For my Safe Harbor readers: This conversation is not part of the Safe Harbor timeline, but I promise that I’m working on the next installment and will post it as soon as I can. I’m afraid real life (my mother has been diagnosed with cancer) has interfered with my ability to finish the next chapters, so I’m posting this older story as a substitute. Please be patient, dear readers. I’ll try to make it worth the wait.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns these characters and all things Trek. I’m just playing.

Note: This conversation takes place sometime following “Spirit Folk.” Spoiler alert. I wrote this as a challenge to myself to stick to dialogue alone. Hope you like it.

Midnight Confession, a dialogue

by Mizvoy

“Coffee, Comander?”

“Captain, it’s nearly midnight.”

“Your point?”

“Caffeine is a drug better taken in the early part of the day.”

“Time is relative. It’s morning somewhere.”

“I can’t argue with logic like that.”

“Tea, then?”

“Nothing, thanks.”

“Why can’t this replicator get my coffee hot? I’ve reprogrammed it a dozen times.”

“Maybe you should ask for ‘coffee, boiling.'”

“I might just try that next time.”

“Have you read Seven’s report on the next few sectors?”

“Depressing. I’ve never seen such a circuitous route in my life. Look at this section here. Six ninety degree turns! It looks like a Greek key.”

“At least Paris won’t be asleep at the helm.”

“Chakotay, there must be better options.”

“Seven is nothing but thorough, Captain. She showed me the star charts. The plasma storms remind me of the Badlands, except for these clear channels we’ll be following.”

“The Maquis routinely went through plasma storms like this in the Badlands, didn’t they?”

“In smaller, more maneuverable ships.”

“B’Elanna can modify the shields to withstand the storms.”

“Kathryn, these storms are nasty; many are much worse than the Badlands. Modifications to the shields won’t be enough.”

“I’d like B’Elanna’s opinion on that.”

“It’s there, Kathryn. Right after Seven’s report.”

“I should have expected as much from you. Excellent staff work, as usual.”

“But . . . ”

“But, I have a couple of ideas I want her to consider before we give up. Maybe we can get through some of the lesser storms, anyway.”

“I thought as much. You’re the most tenacious scientist I’ve every met.”

“Is that a nice way of saying I’m stubborn?”

“Would I say something like that?”

“Yes, you would, in fact. As captain, I can insist we look at things longer, until I’m sure we’ve exhausted all the options.”

“I’ll have B’Elanna talk to you right after the staff meeting in the morning.”

“Great. Just one more thing. I want to talk about the reworking of the port power grid.”

“Is there a problem?”

“I’d like to bleed power for residual shields from the central and dorsal grids while the rework is done.”

“That will reduce sensors.” “What’s better? Sensors with no shields? Or minimal shields with reduced sensors.”

“Is there another option?”

“Now you sound like me, Chakotay. Did you know my roommate at the Academy used to run around the room in frustration yelling at me, ‘Options! Options! Always options!'”

“I’m surprised it didn’t become a nickname. It is a favorite phrase.”

“No doubt, I have other more descriptive nicknames on Voyager.”

“I’ll never tell.”

“Ha! As I suspected!”

“Speaking of power, I saw your comment on the increased power we’ve used recently and agree we’ve become lax. This PADD has my analysis, but you won’t like it.”

“Let me guess. Fair Haven?”

“Running such a complex program for weeks at a time is an incredible power drain, Kathryn.”

“We’ve shut it down.”

“There’s also the wear and tear on the holo-emitters. Did you know that the doctor no longer has a backup emitter in sickbay?”

“Why not?”

“Harry pulled it to keep Fair Haven running, but we still haven’t had the time or power to replicate a replacement.”

“My fault.”

“What? I didn’t hear you.”

“I said Fair Haven was my fault. I indulged myself.”

“We all liked it.”

“No, Chakotay, it was my fault. I’m afraid I really escaped into it.”

“We all did.”

“Commander, please. There were times when I actually thought of Michael Sullivan as a real person.”

“Kathryn, we’ve all done that at times.”

“Not me. Not again.”

“I was glad to see you really get your mind off of the ship, the crew, the journey. You need a diversion like Fair Haven.”

“Are you a counselor all of a sudden?”

“What’s wrong with having some fun? You work too much. You get no breaks whatever from being the captain. Even when we meet like this for a late dinner, the ship always comes up and we end up talking shop. You need a break.”

“I know you have a point, Chakotay, but this was too much. No, really. Look at this. I reduced replicator rations last month to conserve power, but I still kept the program running. Silly.”

“Nobody minded.”

“Bull. Even I minded-less coffee.”

“I meant we all were willing to sacrifice a little to keep the program running.”

“Okay, look at this, then. Out of the last five years in the Delta Quadrant, the last three months shows the smallest amount of territory covered. We’ve slowed down.”

“We were stationary for nearly a week, Kathryn, while the energy wave washed over us.”

“I accounted for that. The problem is that I lost focus, became distracted.”

“You can’t take all the blame, Kathryn.”

“Of course I can. I must. I’m the captain. I set the tone. I keep everyone’s feet to the fire. If I let up, we lose focus, slow down, become distracted.”

“Then I should’ve called you on it.”

“Nice try, Chakotay.”

“Kathryn, I’m afraid you’re going to overreact to this. Seclude yourself again. Withdraw from the crew. We can’t survive that again.”

“Don’t let me.”

“Easier said than done. Remember the last time? It took an attack from species 8472 to get you to leave your quarters.”

“I’m better now. I enjoyed getting to know more of the crew in Fair Haven. I feel more relaxed around them.”

“Perhaps you could start coming to some of the get-togethers Neelix has going on. There are pool tournaments, plays, and concerts several times a week.”

“I promise to do two per week. You will check my schedule regularly to make sure.”

“And you won’t send me out an airlock if I remind you of this promise?”

“Not the airlock.”

“Something worse, right?”

“No. I won’t complain if you nag me.”

“Not nag. Remind.”

“You’re playing semantics, Chakotay.”

“No. Nagging involves whining.”

“Point taken. Anyway, when I pull out the Fair Haven power drain, we’re about normal in power consumption. Let’s go back to the old system and give everyone a ration on the holodeck. If they want to pair up, they can.”

“People are going to miss Ireland.”

“They’ll adapt.”

“You sound like Seven of Nine.”

“I know.”

“Kathryn, not more coffee!”

“No, warm milk this time. I think we’ve done enough tonight.”

“I’ll head out then.”

“No, wait. I want to talk a little more.”

“Uh-oh. It isn’t time for my evaluation, is it?”

“I don’t do crew evaluations at midnight, Chakotay.”

“Okay, I’m listening.”

“It’s about Fair Haven.”

“I thought we already covered that.”

“This is personal.”

“You’re pregnant?”

“Very funny. I’m serious about this.”

“I apologize. I couldn’t resist.”

“You’re forgiven. I can take a joke, you know. But it is about Michael. When I took him on a tour of the ship, I suddenly realized I was his captain, too, even if he didn’t know it.”

“But, he thought he lived in the past, that the holodeck allowed us to travel back in time. A clever solution to the problem, by the way. I meant to tell you.”

“Thanks. My first problem with Michael was his ‘flexibility.’ I made him taller, gave him two years of university, ditched his wife.”

“I know what you mean. I’ve played with the holodeck, too.”

“I finally locked myself out of that before I became obsessed with creating the perfect man.”

“Is there such a thing, Kathryn?”

“No.”

“Present company excepted?”

“Well. You come as close as anybody I know.”

“Gee, thanks. So, you were giving Michael the tour.”

“Right. We walked around the decks, and I thought, ‘This could be Chakotay, or Harry, or Tom.’ The crew walked by and nodded as if Michael belonged on the ship. And I realized, he does belong on the ship.”

“I’m beginning to catch your drift. You control his ‘world’ and decide his fate just as surely as you do ours.”

“Right, and worse. I guess it was B’Elanna’s comment that stuck with me: ‘You can reprogram Michael, Captain.’ But, if I lose one of you, you’re gone forever. I lost sight of that.”

“She wasn’t being fair. You weren’t the only one with a special friend in Fair Haven.”

“No, but I was the only one who had command. I wish I could say that Michael’s continued existence didn’t influence my decision to let Tom, Harry, and the doctor remain too long in a dangerous position on the holodeck, but I have to be honest with myself. I put them in danger because of my own selfishness. I didn’t want to lose Michael. I was afraid he’d be different if I reinitialized his program.”

“And that bothers you.”

“Chakotay, the reason Starfleet protocol prevents the captain from being involved with a member of the crew is because he or she might influence the captain’s decisions. And that’s exactly what happened with Michael, except he’s a hologram, not flesh and blood. I should have pulled the plug at once.”

“Okay, so shoot me. I should have insisted.”

“I learned a good lesson. I’ll go back to Fair Haven, of course, and probably flirt with Michael again. But, I’m glad to know he’s off line most of the time. He was too real to me.”

“Like the doctor?”

“Yes and no. Michael is just a subroutine of a larger program. His program could never really evolve the way the doctor’s has.”

“Interesting. So, Michael is like a member of the crew.”

“I should no more be involved with him than with any other member of the crew.”

“You can make protocol cover everything.”

“Yes, I guess I can. I have to distance myself from Michael. Being involved with him influences me too much.”

“So you’re alone again.”

“I was always alone, Chakotay. The ship’s captain has to be alone. You know that.”

“I do know it. My disastrous relationship with Seska proved it to me. But, I hate to see you so isolated when we’re this far from home.”

“Your understanding helps, Chakotay. I don’t think anyone else on the ship really understands my isolation.”

“That’s why I thought Fair Haven was a good escape for you. You could forget about being captain with Michael. He wouldn’t understand a word if you started talking about Voyager.”

“If I have to do without, I’d rather do without the real thing.”

“You lost me.”

“When we get home, and I’m no longer the captain, I still couldn’t have a real relationship with a hologram. We could never really be together.”

“But, you could be with a real person.”

“That’s the point.”

“Even someone from the crew.”

“Possibly. Why not?”

“I see your point.”

“You do?”

“I think so. You don’t want a substitute for the real thing. If you can’t have the real thing, you’d rather do without.”

“Yes. Michael isn’t real, and I want real. Someday.”

“You know, I feel exactly the same way.”

“You’re willing to wait, too?”

“More than willing. For the right relationship.”

“Well, Chakotay, if it’s any consolation, I can sympathize with your problem.”

“I know. Misery loves company. Ironic, isn’t it?”

“Yes, ironic.”

“We’re lucky to have each other, Kathryn. Two people standing back to back can better protect each other and see danger coming from every direction.”

“It’s comforting to have your back to lean against.”

“I won’t desert you.”

“I know, and I’m grateful for that.”

“Well. Unless you started with ‘milk, boiling,’ that drink should be ice cold by now.”

“Actually, it’s gone.”

“Did it work?”

“I’m relaxed, but I don’t know whether to credit the warm milk or our

talk.”

“A little of both, maybe?”

“A little of both.”

“Good. I’m relaxed, too. I’ll see you on the bridge in the morning.”

“I’ll be there.”

“I know, and I’m grateful for that.”

“Someday, we’ll be out of this situation. Once we’re home, we’ll just be Kathryn and Chakotay.”

“That’ll be the day.”

“Well, goodnight, Commander.”

“Goodnight, Captain. Sweet dreams.”