Disclaimer: These characters and all things Star Trek belong to Paramount. No infringement intended.

Friendship

by Mizvoy

Admiral Kathryn Janeway was tired but happy following Voyager’s third anniversary celebration. For the first time since their return to the Alpha Quadrant, the entire senior staff had been together, and Kathryn had spent much of the evening just looking at them. They were her surrogate family, and she loved them with maternal intensity bordering on obsession. She was especially pleased to see Chakotay and Seven again, for they had missed the last reunion and hadn’t been back to Earth for nearly eighteen months.

She’d arrived at her quarters shortly after midnight, but her late night habits from Voyager survived intact. After a long, hot bath, she fixed a pot of coffee, turned on a piano concerto, and settled down in her lounge chair with a favorite book. Fifteen minutes later, the door chime sounded.

“Who could that be at this hour?” she wondered as she made her way to the door. “Seven?”

“Admiral.” The former drone peered into her apartment. “I saw your lights were on and wondered if we could talk.”

Kathryn smiled. Some of the most productive discussions they’d had on Voyager had taken place during the wee small hours of the morning. “I’d love to. But you must call me Kathryn.”

“Very well.” Seven walked down the steps to the living area and sat down on the sofa. “You always choose such restful music.”

“Music to fall asleep by. Can I get you something to drink?”

“No, thank you.”

Kathryn sat down across from her protégé and poured herself another cup of coffee. “What are you doing wandering around at this hour?”

“We’re staying in the guest quarters in this building.” Kathryn nodded. She was well aware that “we” meant Seven and Chakotay. It had taken awhile, but she’d finally accepted their relationship as permanent. “I was unable to sleep and hoped I’d find you awake.”

“Is something troubling you?” Seven’s preference to discuss moral and philosophical issues with her former captain had been a sore point between Kathryn and Chakotay. However, Kathryn had been more of a mother to Seven than she had ever been to anyone. Or ever would be. And the former Borg trusted her mentor to be fair and impartial.

“It’s personal.”

Janeway grinned. “Just tell me, Seven. I can handle it.”

Seven shifted in her seat. “As you know, the research on Voyager’s Borg upgrades has prevented me from accompanying Chakotay on his archeological digs.”

“You mentioned that at the party.” When Voyager had first returned, the couple had agreed to stay within transporter range of each other. The connection she had first noticed on the bridge the day they’d arrived home had blossomed as they’d faced the long months of debriefing. Seven had needed a trusted confidante, and Chakotay had been perfect for her. But, archeology was uninteresting to Seven, and so she had joined a research team in the Alpha Centauri system while Chakotay worked at a dig elsewhere in the sector.

“For the last eighteen months, Chakotay has been away for five or six weeks at a time.”

Kathryn winced. “Separations like that are difficult, I know, but they’re inevitable with a two-career couple.”

“Is that why you’ve never become seriously involved with someone?”

Kathryn felt a blush crawling up her skin. “Actually, Seven, I’ve been engaged twice in my life and endured long separations from both of my fiancés. While we missed each other, we managed to keep the relationship intact through subspace messages and frequent meetings. It can be done, but it takes a lot of effort.” She sighed. “I just haven’t met anyone I felt was worth the effort since Voyager returned.”

“I wish you’d shared some of this with me on Voyager.”

Kathryn studied the young woman carefully. “I was exceedingly busy on Voyager, Seven. As I recall, the Doctor advised you on social matters. And then Chakotay.”

“I’m afraid the doctor oversimplified relationships.”

“In what way?”

“I thought that I would fall in love with one person and that we would always be together. I didn’t know it could happen again.”

“Ah.” She sat back in her chair, somewhat shocked. Suddenly she realized what Seven’s problem was and the course the conversation was taking. “Chakotay is your first beau. But first love doesn’t always last.”

“No one told me that.”

They sat quietly a few minutes. “What’s his name?”

“John Riordan. He’s an engineer on the project with me. We spent a lot of time together while Chakotay was gone. I never meant for it to happen, but I think I love him. I want to be with him.”

“Does Chakotay know?”

“He suspects that something is wrong, but we haven’t discussed specifics.” She looked away. “I feel like I’ve betrayed him.”

Kathryn’s heart was breaking for both of them. “It’s not your fault. We always forget that your experience is not commensurate with your chronological age.” She shook her head, trying to convince herself that this very mature-looking woman was the emotional equivalent of a teenager. “Most of us go through this stage as adolescents, Seven, not in our late twenties, but it’s truly a normal stage of your emotional development. My first love was a boy named Cheb. I thought I’d die when we broke up, and I’ll always have a special place for him in my heart. But we were only seventeen . . . it wasn’t meant to be. Neither of us was mature enough for a long-term relationship.”

“Will Chakotay understand?”

This time, Kathryn looked away. Chakotay was a mature adult, not an inexperienced teenager, and she knew he felt strongly for Seven. And, while Seven was apparently not ready for a commitment, he surely was, especially since most of his family was gone. “In time, he will. You have to do what’s best for you, Seven.”

“How do I tell him?”

Kathryn smiled grimly. “There isn’t an easy way. You just have to be honest with him. And gentle. But you can’t keep him from being hurt.”

Tears welled up in Seven’s eyes. “John is here in San Francisco and wants me to meet his parents tomorrow.”

“Then you must speak to Chakotay at once. There’s nothing to be gained by waiting if your mind is made up.” She leaned forward. “I’m proud of you, Seven. You’ve come so far, done so well. This is a setback, but not a serious one. Chakotay will get over this. Time heals all wounds.”

“Thank you, Kathryn. I should leave now and let you get some sleep.” She started toward the door with Kathryn in tow.

“Will I see you again before you leave? I’d like to meet this John Riordan.”

“I can’t promise that we’ll have time, but I’ll try.”

“Keep in touch.” Kathryn pushed the door closed and turned back to survey the apartment. Somehow, she doubted she’d get much sleep for the rest of the night.

At noon the next day, Kathryn returned to her office from a marathon meeting, hoping to have some soup and a quick nap before the afternoon briefings began. She entered her darkened office, ordered soup, coffee, and crackers, and made her way to her desk. When she looked up, she saw a familiar figure in the shadows. “Chakotay?”

“I guess you’re happy.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You never approved of my relationship with Seven.”

She sighed. Seven must have worked quickly. “I never said that.”

“You didn’t have to. I could see it in your eyes. You thought I was too old for her. That she was emotionally immature.”

She shook her head. If anything, she’d felt too close to both of them to adjust easily to their being together. It was as if her daughter was dating her brother. “You’re putting words in my mouth. Tell me what’s happened.”

His eyes flashed. He stood up with his fists clenched. “Don’t play the innocent with me, Kathryn. She told me she’d discussed this with you, that you gave her advice.” He stormed toward her, putting his hands on her desk and leaning toward her menacingly. “‘First love doesn’t last’? ‘Time heals all wounds’?”

Kathryn was just as angry. It wasn’t her fault that his love affair had ended, and she wasn’t about to take the blame. She stood up and faced him. “I didn’t tell her to break up with you, Chakotay. She’d already decided to do that. You’re her first love, her first romantic encounter. Who was yours? Where is she today?”

He stepped back, surprised at her response. “I was a child then, barely sixteen.”

“Seven’s an emotional child now, in spite of her age and physical maturity.” She circled the desk. “I know this hurts, Chakotay, because you love her. But she’s inexperienced. She wants to experiment. She needs to play the field. It could be years before she’s ready to settle down, and even this new beau will probably be long gone by then.”

He stared at her a long while, then wilted, and she guided him to the sofa. “She’s all I have.”

“That’s not true. You have a sister. And what about Tom and B’Elanna? Harry. Tuvok. Ayala and Chell. The rest of Voyager’s crew. What about me? Aren’t we family?”

He buried his face in his hands as he sat down. “How can I face them after Seven’s dumped me?”

She put her arm around his shoulders. “She didn’t ‘dump’ you, Chakotay. Neither of you did anything wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Things didn’t work out for you and Seven. You just need time to get over it.”

“I’ll never get over it.”

“You will.”

He looked up at her, tears in his eyes. “How can you be so sure?”

“You’ve survived worse than this, Chakotay, and you have dozens of people who care about you and want to help you. Go back to work. Stay busy. Time does heal all wounds.”

As the tears fell, she pulled his head onto her shoulder and comforted him.

Nine months later, Admiral Janeway walked up to a makeshift cabin that reminded her of the Starfleet shelter she and Chakotay had shared on New Earth. The twin suns of the Rhai Trutani system were punishing at that hour, so she wasted no time in knocking on the door.

“Come on in before you roast.” The inside of the building was dark and cool, and Kathryn groaned with relief. “Here. Come sit down and I’ll get you a drink of water.”

She collapsed at the table and gratefully took the water, pushing the hood of the heavy white desert robe off of her head. “Thank you,” she said her voice a dry whisper.

“Kathryn?”

She looked up at Chakotay and smiled. “Surprised?”

“What are you doing here?”

“I had business in the sector and decided to come check up on you. If I don’t bring back news, B’Elanna’s threatened to skin me alive.”

He chuckled. “Only B’Elanna would have the audacity to threaten an admiral.”

“No one’s heard from you in months. We were afraid you’d burned to a crisp on this God-forsaken planet.”

“No one in their right mind goes out at this hour, Kathryn, for obvious reasons. Why didn’t you wait until dusk?”

“And what would I do at the transport site for six hours? Twiddle my thumbs? No, I’d rather take my chances and do something.”

“That could be your motto, Kathryn,” he said, chuckling. “More water?”

“Please.”

He studied her as she drank the second full glass of water. She’d changed very little in the nearly four years since Voyager had returned. She looked better fed and more rested, actually, and she was more vivacious and out-going than he’d ever seen her. He liked the change. “Let me guess. You’re here for the test of the new prototype.”

She nodded. “They tested it last week. Except for a few glitches, final design of the first ship can get underway.” She shrugged the robe off of her shoulders revealing the pips of a vice-admiral.

“Congratulations on the promotion.”

“Thanks. How’s the dig coming along?”

He got up and brought two shards of pottery to her. “Look at these artifacts. Iconian.”

“Really?” She picked them up and studied them quietly. “They’re beautiful examples of the Jalenai period. I had no idea the site was so old.”

He smiled. “You amaze me, Kathryn Janeway. You know Iconian pottery styles?”

She handed the shards back. “I have a dear friend who’s involved in a dig. I’ve read up on it.”

He studied the larger piece, turning it in his hands. She’d written him often, keeping him apprised of the happenings with the Voyager crew, and never once chastising him for his silence. “I never realized what a good friend you could be, Kathryn.”

“That’s because I was always the captain, every day, all day. For all those years.” She looked around at the cabin, noticing the sand paintings and dozens of little improvements he’d made. “I love what you’ve done with the place.”

“I was advised to get busy, so I did. It helped get through the days.” Their eyes locked. “Is she still seeing John?”

“No. Right now she’s seeing a Michael somebody. She’s the Belle of the Ball. I think she has her pick of the young men at the Institute. Well, the whole Federation, actually.”

He sighed. “I’m not sure if I miss her or just the idea of her.”

“The ‘idea of her’?”

He looked away. “I get lonesome. It would be nice to have someone special to think about.” He turned toward her. “Don’t you miss that?”

“Of course. But at my age it’s hard to find someone who’d put up with all the Starfleet rigmarole. Most admirals have spouses with years of conditioning. They practice by being an ensign’s spouse, a lieutenant’s spouse, a captain’s spouse. To jump in at the admiral level is asking the impossible.”

“You underestimate yourself.”

“Not really. Besides, I enjoy mothering the Voyager crew, and I keep very busy at Starfleet command.” She stifled a yawn.

“The heat takes it out of you, doesn’t it?” He laughed as she yawned again. “Why don’t you take a little siesta? I’ve got some things I want to finish here. Once the sun goes down, I’ll show you the dig.”

“Sounds good.” She let him lead her to his sleeping alcove.

“When you wake up, I’ll fix us some vegetable curry.”

She smiled up at him. “You’re spoiling me. I’ve never gotten my replicator to come close to your curry.”

“Give up, Kathryn. When you want vegetable curry, you’ll just have to come see me.” She collapsed on the cot. He helped her pull off her boots and then covered her with a light blanket. “Sweet dreams.”

“G’night,” she replied, snuggling into the pillow and falling instantly into an exhausted sleep.

For a long time, Chakotay stood at the door watching her.

The fourth annual Voyager reunion had arrived. Chakotay decided to attend, even though he would probably see Seven there with her current boyfriend. It was time to grow up and face facts, and it was time to reclaim his position as former first officer of the crew. He just hoped he could pull it off.

The first person to accost him when he entered the room was none other than B’Elanna Torres. “Good for you,” she said, giving him a big hug. “I was hoping we’d see you here.”

“Why wouldn’t I come?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Chakotay. I know you’ve been worried about what we’d think about you and Seven.” She glanced around and lowered her voice. “She was all wrong for you. You deserve better than an adolescent with a crush.”

“If you say so.”

“Come on in. Tom and Harry are hanging around the champagne fountain.”

She took his hand and dragged him through the crowd. Various crewmembers said hello and patted him on the shoulder. He spied Kathryn and Tuvok in deep discussion, and he noticed that the Doctor’s new wife was pregnant. “B’Elanna. Don’t tell me the Doctor’s going to be a father.”

She laughed. “Would you believe that Dr. Zimmerman is the donor?”

“Want to bet the baby’s born bald?”

“Very funny.” B’Elanna stopped suddenly, and Chakotay nearly knocked her over. “You might as well get this over with. There’s Seven with her new boyfriend. I think his name’s Patrick.”

He turned to see Seven enter the room with a tall, muscular man of about thirty years of age, blond, athletic, and very handsome. The Delaney sisters were practically knocking each other over to get to him. Chakotay expected to feel his heart breaking, but instead he was only curious. Maybe he was finally over losing her. “He’s quite a specimen.”

“Yeah, well. The last one-Michael-got drunk and made a pass at me while we were testing the prototype.”

“Really? What did Tom do about it?”

“Picked him up off of the floor after I punched his lights out.”

Chakotay laughed. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

The evening was pleasant. If anyone mentioned Seven to him, it was simply to assure him that better things were on the way. It occurred to him that their relationship had started so late in the journey that most of the crew never really saw them together. He was doing fine until he found himself facing her at the bar.

“Hello, Seven.”

“Chakotay. You’re looking well.”

“Thanks. So are you. I understand the prototype is in the final stages.”

“The new ship design is well underway. We may be on our way to the Delta Quadrant before you know it.”

“Send me a card.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I’ve been there, done that. I think I’ll stick to the Federation.”

She nodded and gave him a long look. “I hope you are happy,” she said quietly. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know that, Seven, and I’m fine.”

She picked up a second glass of wine, nodded at someone behind him, and left with a promise to keep in touch.

Chakotay turned to find himself nose-to-nose with Kathryn Janeway. “Eavesdropping?”

She smiled. “I’m getting some wine. Besides, my hearing is fine. I don’t have to get this close to eavesdrop.” She sipped her wine and gestured toward the balcony. “How about some fresh air?”

“Sounds good to me.”

They walked into the warm quiet of the balcony and visibly relaxed. “Is it me,” he asked, “or are the natives unusually restless tonight?”

Kathryn turned and leaned against the balcony so she could peer into the room where the crew was growing louder as the evening progressed. “They miss being together, I think. Maybe we should extend these get- togethers to a whole week.”

“Not a bad idea. We could have a family picnic, too, so we could include the children.”

She studied his face. “You know, I miss your good ideas. If you were living on Earth, I’d put you in charge of the plans for next year.”

“I might be living on Earth.”

“Really?”

“The dig is about finished, and Oxford was pleased with the paper I presented at the conference last week. They’re thinking of offering me a visiting professorship next year.”

“That’s wonderful! It would be great to have you so close after all these years.” She leaned forward and whispered. “You could help me baby- sit for Tom and B’Elanna.”

“Miral and Eugene? Why not? I’m just not too excited about the damp and rainy climate.”

“I’d think it would be a welcome relief after the oven you’ve been living in.”

He chuckled. “I was hoping for a happy medium.”

“What about the south of France? It’s the same time zone, and you could easily transport back and forth.”

“And you say I have all the good ideas. Any suggestions on where to live?”

“Well, actually, I’m taking an assignment in Paris, in the diplomatic corps. While I’m looking for a place, maybe I could find something for you, too.”

“That would be very kind of you, Kathryn.”

“So, you’ll take the Oxford job?”

“Why not?”

“I think that’s a good move. You’ll make all kinds of contacts for future positions, plus you can do the planning for next year’s reunion.”

“I knew you had an ulterior motive!”

She laughed and turned to look out into the garden. “I’m glad Voyager returned in the spring. The flowers are beautiful.”

He put his arm around her. “I wonder what the other Admiral Janeway would think of what’s become of us.”

“She wanted all of us to have a chance to be happy.”

“She sacrificed her life for her crew. Our crew.” He looked down at her. “You would, too, wouldn’t you?”

“I would, and so would you. For starting off as enemies, we managed to become pretty good friends out there.”

“Best friends.”

“Yes.” They stood there awhile enjoying the quiet before Kathryn spoke again. “When I saw you talking to Seven, I was worried about you.”

“Afraid I’d be depressed? Or angry?”

“Something like that. I came over to give you a ‘release valve.'”

“I appreciate that, but I’m all right. She’s still a gorgeous woman, but I’m beginning to realize that I was probably dazzled by her good looks.”

Kathryn smiled. “And other physical attributes.”

He felt his face get warm. “Right.”

“So, did you date anyone at the dig?”

“Kathryn, you met the women there. Two Bolians, a Vulcan, and a seventy-five-year old Ktarian.”

She laughed. “Oh, right. Well, Oxford will have plenty to offer.”

“I seem to choose disastrously. Maybe I should let you fix me up with someone.”

“Oh, no. I’m not taking the blame for a failed romance. But I’m glad you’re doing better. I want you to be happy.”

“What was it you told me? Time heals all wounds?”

The sliding glass door opened. “There you two are!” Harry said. “We want to do the toast.”

“On our way,” Janeway said, smiling up at Chakotay.

“I don’t like it when you’re gone for weeks at a time,” Chakotay complained as he tossed the salad. “Nobody else puts up with me the way you do.”

“Practice makes perfect.” Kathryn laughed as she finished setting the table. “My least favorite parts of the diplomatic corps are the travelling, the interminable meetings, and the boring receptions. Believe me, I’m having no fun while I’m gone.”

“Right. I heard about the ski trip while you were on Octan V.”

“One fun afternoon, Chakotay, out of four long weeks is not enough.”

He smiled at her as she poured them some wine. “Your aide called while you were in the shower. He said the Vulcan ambassador’s reception had been moved up a week.”

“Damn. That makes it this Saturday.”

“Is that a problem?”

“Tuvok was going to be my escort, but he won’t be on Earth until next week.”

“You need an escort?”

“Well, not really, but if I don’t have one, they’ll pair me up with someone awful-like the Bolian ambassador-and I’ll have to put up with Delta Quadrant questions all night. ‘Just how ugly were the Kazon in person?’ ‘How young is an Ocampa when it goes through puberty?’ Or my favorite: ‘What does a Borg cube smell like?'”

Chakotay laughed. “I could go with you.”

“I wouldn’t inflict the Vulcan reception on you.”

“I’m volunteering, Kathryn.”

“You have no idea what you’re in for.”

“It can’t be worse than the reception on Relix, when we were treated to the entire canon of their ancient playwright. Six plays in one night. What was his name?”

“I’ve repressed that entire evening. Thank god they had plenty of wine.”

“So, do you want me to go and save you from the Bolian ambassador?”

She gave him a long look. He was relaxed and happy as he put the finishing touches on the salad. He’d gotten a killer tan while she was gone and his daily runs on the beach had helped him drop fifteen extra pounds. He smiled at her, and the flash of his dimples made her stomach flip. “Okay, but don’t blame me when you’re bored stiff. This was your idea.”

“It won’t be a problem.”

Late Saturday night, Kathryn made her farewell tour of the ballroom while Chakotay picked up their jackets. He had been devastatingly handsome in his tuxedo and had charmed everyone at the reception, including the Vulcan ambassador’s wife, not an easy feat. In fact, it seemed to Kathryn that he’d actually enjoyed himself, and she’d gotten a kick out of watching him work the room.

Kathryn’s last stop was the Federation president, Laxta Churalin, from the Altain sector. “You must bring this charming gentleman to the Federation Ball,” she told Kathryn in a soft voice. “I want to get to know him better. Such charm and polish. Those dimples. That tattoo. The eyes. He’s a welcome addition to any gathering.”

For once, Kathryn was speechless. She looked up to see Chakotay approaching with their jackets, his dimpled smile on full display. “Yes. He’s a dear friend.”

“Only a friend? Then he’s available?”

She felt her face grow warm. “I’ll invite him to the ball, Miss President.”

“Be sure of it,” she said, turning to Chakotay. “Sir, you’ve been the highlight of the evening for me. I look forward to seeing you again soon.”

“It’s been my pleasure, I assure you.”

They walked silently out of the building and toward the transporter station, an unusual tension developing between them. Finally, Chakotay could take no more. “Kathryn, is something wrong?”

She sighed. “I think the President has a crush on you. She wants me to invite you to the Federation Ball next month.”

“Sounds like fun.”

She stopped and stared at him. “Is it that you haven’t attended many of these functions, or do you really like them?”

“What’s not to like?”

She shook her head. “You had a good time?”

“Didn’t you?”

“I was working, Chakotay.”

“I wasn’t.”

She smiled and took his arm. “You were the hit of the party. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. You had everyone eating out of the palm of your hand. It was an amazing performance.”

“I aim to please.”

“And exactly who were you trying to please, may I ask?”

“You. I wanted you to be glad I came.”

She stopped again and faced him, putting her hand to his forehead to brush the hair away from his tattoo. “I’m always glad to be with you, Chakotay.”

“The feeling’s mutual. Now, should I wear a different tuxedo to the Federation Ball?”

She laughed. “And people say women are vain.”

“What’s an Oxford reception like, anyway?” Kathryn asked as she studied her image in the full-length mirror. Since Chakotay had escorted her to several Starfleet and Federation functions, she had consented to return the favor.

“Didn’t you attend university functions with Mark Johnson?”

“Yes, but almost all of those were at Starfleet Academy. That place, I understand.”

He stepped tentatively to the door and stared at the slender, beautiful figure of Admiral Kathryn Janeway in a red shimmering formal. “This party is exactly the same, only without uniforms, with a preponderance of English accents, and with a startling absence of military strategizing. I must say, Admiral, that you clean up well.”

She faced him, holding her arms out and twirling. “You approve?”

“Red is your color. Is that why you switched to command?”

She beamed at him. “It’s as good a reason as any.”

She found herself enjoying the party immensely, realizing that it was the first gathering she’d attended in years where she wasn’t a principal or an honoree. She wasn’t working, so she was just herself. She was talking to Professor Moira Fleming, an astrophysicist, about the supernovas Voyager had observed during the Q’s civil war when she saw a young woman staring at her with obvious dislike. The look of hatred so surprised her that she stared back in confusion. Fleming followed her gaze.

“That’s Jeanette Simmons,” she said, pulling Kathryn toward the refreshment table. “She’s jealous of you.”

Kathryn was familiar with jealousy. No one achieved the rank of admiral and wielded the considerable power that comes with it without seeing jealousy in the eyes of many underlings and contemporaries whose careers had stalled. This woman, though, couldn’t begrudge Kathryn her rank. “Whatever for?”

“She has a terrible crush on Chakotay, but he won’t give her the time of day.”

“I see.” But, she didn’t see. “What do I have to do with that?”

“Don’t you and Chakotay live in the same town in France? Doesn’t he usually accompany you to Federation functions?” She leaned in and whispered. “Didn’t he bring you to this party tonight?”

“But we’re just friends!”

Moira laughed. “Of course you are, Kathryn. Of course you are.”

Kathryn was troubled for the rest of the evening, and Chakotay quickly picked up on her change of mood. “Ready to go?” he asked her. “You look tired.”

“Whenever you’re ready, Chakotay.”

“I’ve talked to everyone I need to. Let’s get out of here.”

They said their farewells, beamed back to France, and walked toward their apartment complex, Chakotay chatting happily all the way. Finally, when he realized how quiet Kathryn had become, he decided to confront her. “Is something bothering you?”

“Moira Fleming thinks we’re an item,” she blurted.

“Moira Fleming is a gossip.”

“She said that Jeanette Simmons has a crush on you.”

He laughed. “So? Doesn’t Commander Pedersen have a crush on you? Not to mention half of the ambassador’s staff? Nobody can control that kind of reaction.”

“Have you misrepresented our relationship to her to keep her at bay?”

“I’ve never discussed our friendship with anyone, including Moira Fleming.” He stopped and studied her face. “What are you so angry about?”

She looked away, blinking to keep tears from her eyes. “I don’t know.”

“Kathryn, you’re tired. It’s been a long day and you need some rest. We’ll talk about this another time, when you aren’t so stressed out.”

She nodded her head, took his arm, and walked with him to her apartment. “I leave tomorrow afternoon for the conference on Risa.”

“I remember. Too bad. Such a terrible place for a conference,” he teased. “When will you be back?”

“Next Saturday, unless I get roped into the Ambassador’s ‘goodwill’ tour. Will you water my plants?”

“Of course. Let me know when you’ll be arriving, and I’ll fix my famous vegetable curry.”

“I’d like that.”

They arrived at her door. “Thanks for coming with me, Kathryn.”

“My pleasure.”

He gave her a quick peck on the cheek. “I’ll see you next Saturday.”

The trip to Risa ended up lasting almost a month. Janeway followed Earth’s ambassador on a myriad of good-will meetings across the Federation, and she found herself with plenty of time to reflect on her feelings about Chakotay and about the assumptions Moira Fleming had made concerning their relationship.

She and Chakotay had arrived in the Alpha Quadrant as intimate friends, but he’d been in a serious relationship and they’d gone their separate ways. Since he and Seven had broken up, however, they’d gradually spent more and more time together, walking side-by-side like old draft horses used to pulling a wagon as a team. They’d become more dependent on each other than ever before, and she’d found herself missing him, thinking of him constantly, and spending long hours reading his messages and answering them.

The last thing she wanted was to keep him from finding happiness with someone, especially since they seemed destined to be nothing more but close friends. They were so comfortable together, so satisfied with each other’s company, that they’d both stopped looking elsewhere for companionship. They gravitated toward each other because of habit, she thought, because of the long years they’d spent working and living together on Voyager. She realized that if they didn’t break the habit, they would be alone for the rest of their lives. One of them needed to have the courage to make a change, and, since courage was Kathryn’s middle name, she decided it was up to her to make change happen.

She arrived at her apartment in the middle of the night, grateful for the chance to get some sleep before talking about with Chakotay. She woke up early, though, made coffee, and settled on a glider on the balcony to enjoy the early morning breeze. She could see Chakotay’s patio from her vantage point and stared at it as she went through what she would say, how she would gain the distance from him she thought they both needed.

She nearly choked when she saw Jeanette Simmons walk onto his patio wearing a flimsy black nightgown, obviously quite at home. Her face reddened with embarrassment as she realized that once again Chakotay had begun a serious relationship without giving her a moment’s warning. She felt foolish for worrying about telling him that it was time for them to move on, to change the parameters of their friendship, when he had so obviously gone ahead and done it.

She was suddenly uncomfortable on the glider, so she decided to get dressed and go in to her office. She couldn’t continue to sit there and think about Chakotay and Jeanette as a couple, or, worse yet, see him join the woman for an intimate breakfast on their patio.

Three hours later, as she sat at her desk, her work was interrupted when her comm panel beeped. She wasn’t surprised to see it was a call from Chakotay. She keyed in her code and smiled woodenly into the viewscreen. “Hello, Chakotay.”

“Hello, yourself.” He seemed a little upset. “When did you get back? I let myself into your apartment to water the plants and discovered you were home. Why didn’t you call me?”

“I meant to let you know, but last few days of the trip were a continual nightmare. We got home at about 0100 this morning.”

“And you’re already at work?”

“I woke up early and decided to get a head start on the work that’s been piling up while I was gone.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “Kathryn, it’s Sunday.”

She stared at the screen, realizing she’d lost track of what day it was on earth. No one worked at the Federation offices on Sunday, yet here she was, slaving away. “I guess I forgot.”

“Beam back down here and I’ll fix you some Eggs Benedict or French toast.”

“No, Chakotay, I don’t want to interfere.”

“Interfere? With what?”

“You don’t have to explain. Jeanette is a lovely girl and she obviously adores you. I wish you the best.”

“Jeanette Simmons?” A look of recognition crossed his face. “I can explain.”

“No need to explain, Chakotay. I really do understand. Now I need to get back to work.” She cut off the transmission.

She had hundreds of messages awaiting her, all of them requiring input or decisions, and she knew that the best way to get past his new relationship would be to put off facing it. Later, once she had some time to come to terms with what happened, she could handle his new love interest and accept how it would impact her own happiness. As long as she focused on work, she could ignore the pain in her heart. After all, hadn’t she wanted him to move on? What had she expected him to do? Shouldn’t she be happy for him?

She did quite well until she looked up to see Chakotay standing in the doorway. “How did you get in the building?”

“It was strictly a Maquis operation,” he joked, putting his dimples on display.

She sighed. “Come in and sit down, but I really don’t have much time.”

“I’m sorry you’re upset.”

“I’m not upset.”

“Kathryn, I know you too well.” He watched her fiddle with the stylus from her PADD. When she refused to look him in the eye, he knew that he had to make her realize her mistake. “You saw Jeanette Simmons in my apartment this morning, right?”

“Wearing a skimpy nightgown,” she snapped, looking away in embarrassment and closing her eyes as she struggled to regain control of her emotions. “I can’t blame you for that, Chakotay. You’re obviously over Seven, and that’s good. I’m happy for you.”

“You didn’t read my last transmission. You couldn’t have. I just sent it to you last night, as a surprise.”

She shook her head. She felt a little better knowing that he had written to explain his newfound love. “I guess not.”

He nodded at the screen. “Pull it up.”

She pulled up her personal mail and scanned until she saw his most recent message. The contents explained that he’d been offered a larger apartment on the second floor right next to hers. He also explained that that Jeanette and her new boyfriend intended to rent his old one.

Kathryn felt her face grow warm with embarrassment as she looked into his eyes. “Chakotay, I owe you an apology. I jumped to conclusions.”

“You thought Jeanette and I had moved in together, and that thought upset you, didn’t it?”

After her bizarre behavior, what could she say? She studied her hands and said softly, “I guess it did.”

“Good.”

Her head sanpped up. “Good?”

“I’ve been jealous of all the time you’ve been spending with Commander Pedersen. I was afraid I was in this alone.”

Suddenly she felt as if the oxygen had been siphoned from the room. He’d been jealous of her, too? Was she dissatisfied with their friendship because she wanted more from him, not less? “Chakotay, what are you saying?”

“We’ve been friends for so many years that we can’t see the forest for the trees.” He came around the desk and pulled her to her feet, holding her hands in his own, looking down at her with infinite tenderness. “Isn’t it possible that after all these years we’ve finally fallen in love?”

She smiled sadly. “It’s too late for that.”

“Why?” He stepped imperceptibly closer to her. She could feel the heat of his body, the warmth of his deep brown eyes. “We’ve been falling in love with each other for years.”

“But we can’t.”

“Why not? I’m no longer your first officer. I’m not even in Starfleet.”

She could hardly breathe. She felt herself being pulled toward him like a magnet. “It’s such a cliché. ‘Starfleet captain captures Maquis rebel and falls in love with him.’ It sounds like the plot of a bad movie.”

He chuckled. “It might not work in fiction, but this is real life.” He put his arms around her, cradling her head on his chest. “Besides, I’m probably the only man in the quadrant who could put up with the rigmarole that comes with dating an admiral.”

She slid her arms around his waist. “Everyone will laugh at us. We’ve danced around each other for nearly twelve years, Chakotay, and we’re just beginning to figure things out?”

“The first ten years don’t count.”

She pulled back from him, tears in her eyes. She thought she’d lost her friend, and instead, she’d found the love of her life. She wasn’t about to push her luck. Sometimes, you just had to let things be the way they were meant to be. “Thinking of you with someone else, with anyone else, was breaking my heart.”

“I love you, Kathryn.” He wiped the tears off of her cheeks with his thumbs, cradling her face in his hands. “And I think you love me back.”

“I do love you back,” she whispered.

“That’s all that matters. I suspect that the Voyager crew will be thrilled.” He gave her a gentle kiss. “What do you say we go home? I’ll fix you some breakfast and then we can figure out where we go from here.”

She beamed at him and then snuggled into his warm embrace. “I don’t care where we go, Chakotay, as long as we’re together.”