Disclaimer: These characters belong to Paramount. I’m just playing with them!

Here There Be Dragons: Part 3

by Mizvoy

The makeshift neural stimulator looked to Jane like a medieval torture device. Clumsy and awkward, it fastened onto her head with clamps normally used to hold temporary melds in engineering, clamps that left tiny pinpricks in her skin where a dot of blood coagulated. The wiring surrounding the clamps was the tangled web of a demented spider. She looked up at Untraah, her doubts clearly written on her face. “Will it work?”

He smiled. “I know it looks primitive, but it meets every tolerance required by medical database the Maquis gave me. All we need is the power.”

Power. The device was incredibly greedy. They had run it at half power only once and had nearly blown every panel in her quarters. If they tried to use power from the transport ship for a real treatment session, they were likely to be stopped by the bridge, with no telling what impact on their continued welcome. No, they would have to work and save toward the purchase of the alternative power source they needed, even if it took several more weeks or months. “We could bypass the tests.”

“No, Jane,” he insisted. “I’m not willing to take that kind of risk with your health. We’ve put too much time and effort into your recovery to jeopardize it because of your impatience.”

Not Jane exactly, she thought, but Jane Something. Or maybe Something Jane. She resigned herself to his decision. “Very well, then. It’s time for me to report to duty.” She put on her work tunic and turned to him. “Our next port of call has real possibilities, Untraah.”

“I know. Luxtor. I’ll talk to the navigator about it. If it seems acceptable when we arrive, I’ll see if the captain will drop us off there. Luxtor needs workers, I understand, and pays a bounty to ships that bring them. We can start working toward the purchase of the power cell as soon as we arrive.”

She smiled at him, a tender look on her face. “Soon, you’ll be able to go home.”

“That’s right,” he agreed, patting her on the back. “Soon, maybe both of us can go home.”

“The Federation is too far away,” she said, fighting back despair. “And I think my luck has run out.”

“Don’t give up, Jane. You might find a way home when you least expect it.”

“I hope you’re right.”

Chakotay could barely restrain his joy. “She’s alive! She’s alive, Tom!” He grabbed the pilot by the shoulders and shook him. “Can you believe it? Only Kathryn Janeway could beat odds like that!”
Tom was happy, too, but hardly ready to jump for joy as his friend was. “You’re right there! She has better luck than any other unlucky person I ever met. All we have to do is track her down.”

His friend stopped momentarily, and then seemed to deflate before his eyes, his arms falling to his sides. “Right. They’ve been gone for weeks. No telling where she is by now.”

Travel through non-aligned space was so treacherous that no one publicized their next stop or the direction they planned to take on leaving the planet. Many times, any information given was deliberately misleading to prevent pirates from following them or setting up an ambush. Tom knew they were looking at a difficult and perhaps lengthy pursuit, and he knew that Chakotay was impatient to find the admiral.

“Don’t lose hope, Chakotay. We know what transport she and Untraah were on. We also know what kind of planet they were looking for. We’ll work a standard search pattern. It’s just a matter of time before we find them.”

Chakotay nodded, trying to feel positive about their luck. “And maybe her memory is improving now that she’s in a better environment.”

“If anybody can help her, Untraah can. He’s a good guy and he cares about her.”

Chakotay smiled at the irony of it all. “Kathryn always said that good deeds are their own reward, but this time, our helping Untraah all those years ago really paid off. His wife said that when he saw that Kathryn was human like us, he wanted to do something to repay the Maquis for their generosity.”

“Yeah. That was one of the things I admired most about the captain. She always gave people a second chance and always did the right thing. In the long run, kindness and generosity pays off.” He watched Chakotay get up and make his way to the back of the ship. Then he said to himself, “At least this time they did.”

Untraah looked in despair at the fused wires and broken circuits. The first full-power test of the neural transmitter had resulted in disaster, creating a feedback loop that destroyed the delicate, if clumsy looking device in a matter of seconds. He finally tore his eyes from the blackened clamps and looked up at his friend. “I’m sorry, Jane. I thought I had it calibrated properly.”
She looked up at him, her eyes shining and not at all disappointed. “It’s Janeway,” she said, suddenly remembering, “and it was only a first try. I’ll find out why it didn’t work and learn from our mistakes. Then I’ll rebuild it and try again. And again, if I have to.”

“We’ll rebuild it together and try again.”

“No. You need to go home. I’m fine here on Luxtor. I have a decent job making enough money to buy what I need. You’ve done enough for me, too much, actually. You need to go home to your family.”

“Who will help you run the actual procedure when the time comes? Who will monitor your condition while the stimulator is working? I have to stay. I promised to see this through.”

She frowned, overwhelmed with guilt for his prolonged absence from home and family. “I’ll find someone to help me when the time comes. I’ll be fine.”

“No. I won’t leave until you find someone that I know I can trust with your life. Besides, with both of us working on it, we’ll be finished that much sooner.”

She sighed and shook her head. “You’re every bit as stubborn as . . .”

“As whom?”

“I was going to say Chakotay. I think.”

Untraah chuckled, remembering the headstrong Maquis leader. “Perhaps you did know him, then.” He stifled a yawn. “I must get some rest. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight,” she said automatically, her mind already focused on something else. She walked over to the console and slipped in the data chip that contained her copies of the Maquis holograms. She slowly flipped through the collection, studying each face carefully, trying to remember. She felt lonely. She longed to go home from this long trip, this endless voyage. Voyage? Voyager?

“You need some sleep, too, Janeway,” Untraah hollered from his room as he turned off the light.

“Right away,” she answered, thinking of a hot drink. Something bitter, to clear her mind. But what?

Tom Paris piloted the tiny shuttle while Chakotay prepared a meal in the aft compartment. Their spirits had lifted considerably once they knew the admiral was still alive, that their search for her was, with any luck, going to be successful. He’d seen the relieved look on B’Elanna’s face when he’d told her the news, and he’d sensed the building excitement in Chakotay as they came closer and closer to tracking her down.
Tom remembered how Chakotay had reacted to the news of Kathryn’s disappearance nearly five years earlier. He’d been terribly distraught, spending long hours alone, and he had refused to believe for a moment that she was dead. She’d disappeared before, he’d argued, 70,000 light years into the Delta Quadrant and been written off for dead, but she’d survived, even thrived. She was missing. She’d be back. He never stopped believing it and became angry when people spoke of her in the past tense.

The relationship between Voyager’s command team had always been a mystery to Tom. For awhile, he’d thought they were falling in love with each other. He’d sit on the bridge and listen to them chatter away behind his seat on the command deck, occasionally whispering and laughing about who knew what. They’d spent endless hours together working on plans, contingencies, routes through space, and solving literally hundreds of crises. He’d heard them arguing in the ready room, in the mess hall, and in the passageways, about everything from the Borg to the time and supplies spent preparing for Neelix’s Prixin celebration. At the time, he was convinced that they had become lovers on New Earth. How could they not? Yet, upon their return, they remained detached, if not even more distant from each other than before. They’d never been involved romantically, he knew that now, yet they were much more than friends. It was a puzzle he sometimes obsessed over.

“Lunch is ready, Tom.”

He sighed and set the helm on autopilot. “Coming, ‘Mother.’ What are we having today?”

“I’m having pasta primavera. You’re having a hamburger and fries.”

“Yum.” Tom sat down and slathered his fries with ketchup. “You certainly know the way to a man’s heart, Chakotay.”

His friend snorted in reply and dove into his pasta. “I figure we’re no more than a couple of days behind them. What do you think?”

“Probably. They’ve made stops along the way while we’ve been able to travel at a steady pace. I think they’d probably stop at Luxtor.”

“I thought that, too, but their ship wasn’t carrying anything of value to Luxtor. Maybe we should skip it.”

“But it’s the best spot for a human in the sector, and they pay a bounty to any ship that brings workers. She couldn’t find a better spot in this part of non-aligned space.”

Chakotay toyed with the long strands of pasta, curling and uncurling it on his fork. “You might be right. Untraah told his wife he thinks the proper environment—oxygen and water—will help her regain her memory.”

“Plus he wants to build a neural stimulator, remember? Luxtor is advanced enough technologically to have what he needs for that.”

Chakotay made a decision. He smiled at Tom. “Once we finish eating, we head for Luxtor.”

“Whatever you say, Commander. It can’t hurt to ask around before we pass it by.” They ate in silence awhile, and then Tom said, “Do you think she’ll get her memory back?”

“I don’t know, Tom. I hope so.”

“She probably won’t remember us, you know, or anything about Voyager.”

Chakotay chewed his pasta thoughtfully. “Whether she remembers us or not, she’s still Kathryn. Still the captain. You’ll see.”

“Just how close were you two, anyway?”

The older man narrowed his eyes at his pilot. He knew, of course, that his friendship with Kathryn was legend among the crew and that Tom had run a covert betting pool for years to be won by anyone who could prove the intimacy of their relationship. “She’s the best friend I ever had, Tom.”

“That’s all?”

He smiled at the younger man indulgently. “How many true friends can a person have in one lifetime? One, maybe two, if you’re lucky.” His eyes grew thoughtful. “She’s my truest friend. She wants for me what I want for myself.”

“I don’t get it. I thought, for awhile anyway, that you wanted her.”

“Oh, I did want her. I wanted to possess her, to have her all to myself, but people can’t be possessed like that, Tom, especially not people like Kathryn.”

“You love her.”

“I loved her.”

“But you were never together!”

Chakotay laughed. “You’re so narrow minded, Tom. You think love always has something to do with physical closeness? Love isn’t sex. Love is in the heart. Once someone has taken her place in your heart, her physical presence is optional.”

Tom shook his head. “I don’t get it. B’Elanna’s presence is not optional to me.”

“You’ve been lucky with B’Elanna. You met her at a time when you were both able to act on your love for each other. If it ever happens that you’re apart for a long time, or if you lose her, God forbid, you’ll understand what I mean. Whether she’s with you or not, whether you can express your love for her or not, you’ll still love her and that will have to be enough.”

“I don’t think so.”

Chakotay patted his hand. “I’ll explain it again later, when you grow up.”

Tom laughed. “God help me. You’re a philosopher.”

“Yes. You know, Kathryn has a weakness for philosophers. Now, let’s finish eating and head for Luxtor. The more I think about it, the more I think she’s stopped there.”

The two humans had spent three frustrating days searching for their friends on Luxtor. They had started with the largest, most advanced city, but were dismayed by the sheer number of people living there. Scans of the population had revealed enough species close to human to make their search inconclusive. In exasperation, they had beamed down to stroll through a market in the capital city to randomly search the crowd. They were arguing about where to eat lunch when they heard someone calling their names.
Untraah walked toward them, his face beaming. “Chakotay! Tom Paris! What a surprise to find you here!”

“We’ve been looking for you,” Chakotay said, grasping Untraah’s hand firmly, his heart pounding in his chest. “We understand that Kathryn Janeway is with you.”

“Kathryn? Her name is Kathryn?” Untraah nodded. She’d thought they had her name wrong. “Her memory is spotty, even after all these weeks in an oxygen rich environment,” Untraah replied. “For awhile we thought her name was simply ‘Jane.’ After I showed her my pictures of the Maquis, she remembered ‘Janeway,’ but not Kathryn.”

Chakotay could barely contain his excitement. “Then she’s here, on Luxtor?”

“Yes, but she’s at work,” Untraah glanced around, spotting a bench in a park across the street. “Let’s sit down and talk.”

Once they were settled, Untraah filled them in on Kathryn’s injuries and painful struggle to recover in the difficult environment of his home planet. “We’ve been gone a couple of months, and I can see some improvement,” he said proudly. “But, that seems to have leveled off. My hope is that the neural stimulator we’re building will restore the rest of her memory.”

“There’s no need to build one,” Tom interjected. “We have one at our clinic in the Republic.”

Untraah’s face glowed with pleasure. “That’s wonderful news! Janeway gets off work in just a few hours. She’ll be thrilled to see you and to find out about your medical equipment. She thought the one we built looked like a medieval torture device.”

Chakotay laughed. “That sounds just like her. You said you showed her pictures of the Maquis. What did she say? Did she remember us?”

“She knew your names, especially yours, Tom’s, and B’Elanna’s. But she doesn’t remember how she knows you.”

Chakotay masked his disappointment. “Remember us telling you about being stranded for seven years in the Delta Quadrant? Kathryn Janeway was our captain. We lived and worked together for years.”

“She was a ship’s captain? I’m not surprised. Perhaps your presence will help restore her memory. She’s won’t be home until dark, several hours yet. In the meantime, I’d like the opportunity to read more about this neural stimulator.”

Tom said, “I’d be happy to take you up to the Flyer. You can look over the entire sickbay, if you want, although it’s pretty small. Too bad we don’t have a full-fledged treatment unit for you to study.”

“Yes, I’d like to see the sickbay. When can we go?”

“No time like the present.”

“If it’s okay with you,” Chakotay interjected, “I’ll stay down here and wait for Kathryn.”

“Sure. Let me give you the address and access codes to the apartment. She should be home in three hours or so.”

Janeway was always exhausted at the end of her twelve-hour shift at the power plant, but walked the two miles home to save the transport fare. Every spare cent went toward the construction of a new cortical stimulator. They even took turns cooking meals instead of paying for the expense of the replicator in their tiny apartment. She stopped at the market to pick up some fresh vegetables for a salad as well as some tinned fish. So far, her greatest cooking success had been meals that were extremely simple to fix, tonight salad and tuna noodle casserole. Cooking did not seem to come naturally to her.
By the time she reached the apartment complex, she wanted nothing else but to crawl into bed and go to sleep. Glancing up at the windows of the apartment, she noticed that they were dark. It struck her as odd that no one was at home, because Untraah’s shift at the hospital began in less than two hours and he was usually there when she arrived home, waiting to share dinner with her before he left for work. Perhaps he was taking a nap.

She trudged up the stairs and approached their doorway, stopping in her tracks when she realized that the door was ajar, even though the interior lights were off. Something was wrong. Perhaps someone had broken into the apartment to steal the expensive technology they had been investing in. She felt the thrill of fear crawl up her spine as she gently pushed the door open and peeked into the living room.

The last rays of a beautiful sunset were pouring through the open windows, casting into silhouette a large humanoid who was clearly not Untraah. Janeway gently set the bag of food down inside the door and crept into the kitchen where they had a small phaser hidden in a drawer. The sounds of traffic from the street two floors below masked her quiet approach. Even though the stranger was a nearly a foot taller than she and probably eighty pounds heavier, she had no doubt that she could subdue him as long as she had the element of surprise on her side and a phaser in her hand.

In a split second, she had the man’s left arm pulled up tight behind his back and the phaser pressed firmly into the right side of his neck. “Don’t try anything, or I’ll shoot,” she growled.

“Kathryn, it’s me. Chakotay.” She had caught him completely by surprise. While he knew he could easily overpower her in an even fight, he couldn’t do it before she pulled the trigger, so he forced himself to relax, hoping she’d recognize his voice. “You remember me. Untraah showed you my picture.”

Kathryn? Confused, she tightened her hold. He was speaking a different language, yet she understood it perfectly. And his voice did sound familiar. She answered in Federation Standard, “Where’s Untraah?”

“Tom Paris is showing him the neural stimulator on our ship.” He held his breath and waited. From her grip on him, he could tell that Kathryn obviously remembered her Starfleet combat training. He just hoped that she also retained her preference for listening before taking action. “Tom and I met Untraah years ago when the Maquis passed through this sector. He told you about that. He said you remembered our names when he showed you our pictures.”

She relaxed slightly. “Raise your hands and keep them up,” she said, and then stepped back, keeping the phaser trained on his back while she quickly checked him with her free hand for a hidden weapon. Satisfied that he was unarmed, she increased the distance between them and told him to turn around.

He studied her in the fading light. She seemed smaller, perhaps because of the flat shoes she wore and the civilian clothes that accentuated her femininity. Her hair had grown long again, curling below her shoulders, but her eyes were unchanged—right now a steely grey. To him, she looked beautiful, like a dream come true, and he found it impossible to look away from her. “May I lower my hands now?”

“Yes. Then tell me again what you’ve done with Untraah.”

“I haven’t ‘done’ anything with him. We ran into him at the market this afternoon. He was telling us about the neural stimulator you’re trying to build, and Tom volunteered to take him to our ship to show him our sickbay. If you’ll let me press this badge on my chest, you can talk to him.”

She studied his face and nodded, still wary. “Do it.”

He smiled in spite of himself to hear her familiar words. “I must say, Kathryn, that you haven’t lost the knack for command.” He tapped the badge. “Chakotay to Paris.”

“Paris here. What’s up?”

“Kathryn’s arrived. She wants to talk to Untraah.”

There was a rustling sound, and then Untraah’s voice. “I’m sorry, Janeway,” he said. “I meant to be finished here and back on the surface before you arrived home from work. Did Chakotay’s presence in the apartment frighten you?”

She hesitated, unsure how to proceed, so Chakotay said, “Just talk. They’ll hear you.”

“I think I surprised him more than he surprised me,” she answered, putting the phaser on the counter. “You’re sure everything’s all right.”

“I trust these people, Janeway, and you can, too. Why don’t you start dinner? Tom and I will be there in about half an hour.”

“All right.” The communications link broken, Kathryn relaxed visibly. “I suppose I should apologize for my lack of hospitality.”

“Not at all. I’m glad to see that you can still take care of yourself. Besides, I shouldn’t have let myself into the apartment without your knowledge, even if Untraah did give me the access code. Anyone would be suspicious about a stranger in their home.” He realized she was staring at him. “Is something wrong?”

She blushed, suddenly aware of the fact of her bad manners. “It’s strange to be with another human, that’s all.”

He stared back at her, unwilling to tear his gaze from the face he’d thought he’d never see again. He wanted to throw his arms around her in sheer joy at seeing her alive and well. “Untraah told us about your injuries and your amnesia. I was hoping that just meeting me would help you remember. Apparently, you remember how to speak Federation standard.”

“Amnesia.” She said the word as if she’d heard it for the first time. “So we’ve met before.”

“You could say that.” He chuckled, running his hand through his hair. “We worked together for seven years on Voyager.”

Her head snapped up. “Voyager. I’ve been thinking about that name. A ship?”

“Yes.” He took her hand and led her to the sofa. “You were the captain, and I was your first officer. We were stranded in the Delta Quadrant.”

She frowned and pushed her hair away from her face with both hands as she leaned over her knees. “I don’t remember. I know I should.” She sat up and studied his face, reaching out and brushing his tattoo with her fingers. “I remember your face and your voice, though.”

He smiled tenderly, taking her hand between his as he looked into her eyes. “I’m glad. I know I’d never forget you.”

She could feel her heart pounding as she reacted to him. For a long moment they stared at each other, each feeling an incredible tug of affection, before she finally pulled her hand away and stood up to break the spell. “I should fix dinner.”

“You’ve actually learned to cook?”

She turned to him in surprise. “Well, sort of. I was going to make a salad and a tuna noodle casserole.”

“Kathryn,” he chided her, “let me help you. Cooking was never your long suit.”

“Some things don’t change, I guess.” Frankly, she was relieved to have him take over and willingly subordinated herself to him in the kitchen. “I do know how to stir pots and cut up vegetables.”

“Great. You can be my sous chef. Let me do a survey of what’s available and then we can go from there.”

They spent the next thirty minutes organizing the dinner. Kathryn was amazed at Chakotay’s expertise in using whatever food was available to create an interesting and appetizing meal. She especially enjoyed the friendly banter between them as he teased her and regaled her with stories of their mutual past. She was laughing at one of his stories when she lost her concentration and cut her finger.

“Let me see it,” he demanded as she wrapped a dish towel around her finger. The blood was quickly soaking through the white material as he took her hand and peeked beneath the towel. “Not too bad. Do you have a dermal regenerator?”

“In the bathroom,” she said, wincing as he gripped her hand and applied pressure to the injury. “Right across the hall.”

They walked together to the medicine cabinet where Kathryn took the tool from a drawer with her uninjured hand and gave it to him.

“This won’t take a minute,” he said, his head bowed over the injury. She watched as he passed the instrument over the wound, amazed as always to see a gaping cut seal itself, miraculously leaving a faint red line of new skin. Once he was finished, he brought the hand to his lips and kissed the palm. “All better.”

She was standing so close to him that she could feel the heat radiating from his body and his warm breath on her fingers. Her pulse raced. He must have sensed her reaction, because he looked up from her hand into her eyes and caught his breath. She’d just met him, didn’t know him, and yet she couldn’t deny the attraction she felt for him. She was drawn to him like a magnet and found herself leaning toward him, tilting her head to meet his lips with her own.

“Hello, honey! We’re home!” Paris joked from the apartment door.

They pulled away from each other so quickly that Kathryn almost lost her balance. Chakotay steadied her with a hand to her elbow as she said, “We’re in here. I cut my hand and Chakotay was treating it.”

Untraah peeked in, concern on his face. “Was the injury serious?”

She held her hand out to him as Chakotay quickly excused himself and returned to the kitchen. “Not at all. See? It’s already healed.”

He looked relieved. “Something smells wonderful.”

“Thank Chakotay. He’s a miracle worker.”

“Janeway, I think you should return with these people to the Republic. They are your own kind and understand better than anyone how to treat your injury.”

“That’s a good suggestion,” she agreed as they returned to the kitchen.

“Captain Janeway!” Paris gushed, rushing to her, picking her up and twirling her around the apartment. “It’s really you!”

“You’re Tom Paris?”

“Yes, ma’am, and I’m very glad to see you again!” He grinned up at her as he held her at arms’ length.

“Well, Tom, I’m glad, too. Now, put me down before you drop me.”

He complied and gave Chakotay a smirk. “She still knows how to give orders. Some things never change.”

Chakotay smiled and gave Kathryn a wink. “And some things do.”

Following their meal, Untraah left for his shift at the hospital and Tom and Chakotay prepared to beam back to the Flyer. Chakotay was reluctant to leave Kathryn alone. She seemed unusually vulnerable and unsure of herself, as if her injuries had, in some way, weakened her self-confidence, and he worried that the shock of meeting them might cause her unnecessary stress. Even so, she insisted on staying behind.
“I’ll be fine,” she promised him, putting her hand on his arm. “I need time to organize my belongings, and I need to let my boss at the plant know I’ll be leaving.”

He looked down at her, suppressing his long-held desire to protect her, and said, “Just in case, I’m leaving a commbadge with you so you can contact us if you need us.” He fastened the familiar device to her shirt.

“Thanks, but I’m sure I’ll be fine.” When she looked up at him, he saw a hesitancy and need for reassurance in her expression that he’d never seen before, and he realized how truly lost she must feel. “But, you don’t know how glad I’ll be to see you again.”

He wanted to put his arms around her, to tell her that he wouldn’t leave her, that he’d do everything within his power to make her well again. But, he could tell that her emotional control was slipping and that she was afraid of embarrassing herself by becoming overly upset in front of her newly restored friends.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, after your work shift,” he said, backing away and giving her some much-needed distance.

Once he disappeared in a blue transporter haze, Kathryn retired to her room to do some packing and prepare for bed. The events of the afternoon had excited and unnerved her, so she ran a hot bath to help her relax and think. She did her best thinking when she was in hot water, she thought with a grin.

The last year had been a struggle that had, at times, almost overwhelmed her. She’d been exhausted all the time on Untraah’s home world, gasping for breath and tormented by thirst every hour of every day. She’d been gratified by the improvement in her memory in recent days, hoping that one day she’d awaken and know her name, where she lived, who she really was, but she hadn’t been surprised when the miracle hadn’t happened. At least she was better physically, healthier and stronger than she’d been in months. She had been grateful for that much and ready to settle for a new life without her past when Tom and Chakotay had suddenly appeared and thrown her for a loop.

Tom Paris and Chakotay. She knew them, yet she couldn’t really remember them, and the feeling was strange and unsettling. While they seemed absolutely comfortable with her, she was unsure of the true nature of their former relationship, and as a result felt off balance, wishing she could draw on their shared history. All she had were her current feelings and an echo of the past, like déjà vu. In some ways, she felt more threatened by their presence than she was comforted because she could see in their eyes how much of herself she’d lost.

She was especially unnerved by her emotional reaction to Chakotay. The sight of his face had brought physical shock that hinted at a deep, intimate bond. But what kind of bond, exactly? She could see affection in his eyes, but also a reticence and iron-fisted control that prevented him from acting on his feelings for her.

Was he distant because of her amnesia? Because he didn’t want to push her? Because he was unsure of how she felt about him? She groaned in frustration. Had they been together years ago and decided to separate? Had they hurt each other and parted on bad terms? She shook her head, wishing for enough information to understand her reaction to him. He had come through non-aligned space years ago without her, which meant that they couldn’t have been together in a long time.

So why did she have such strong feelings for him?

She was still unable to sleep after the soak and spent another hour packing her belongings, finally stretching out in the darkness on her narrow bed to wait for sleep. Her name was Kathryn Janeway. “Kathryn Janeway,” she said into the darkness, trying out the syllables. “My name is Kathryn Janeway.” She had been the captain of a starship called Voyager with a crew of one hundred fifty people. She’d been an admiral in Starfleet, commanding dozens of ships, thousands of officers.

Tears welled up in her eyes. She’d lost so much. Would she ever get it back? She clutched her pillow to her and cried in despair. Only time will tell, she chided herself. Be patient.

But the tears flowed anyway.

Once they were back on the ship, Chakotay confronted Tom. “Do you think there’s any way to restore her memory? She seems fragile, somehow, more vulnerable than I’ve ever seen her.”
“I know what you mean. I’m no doctor, but I hope they can help her. I’m not sure why her memory is so spotty or even whether the neural stimulator will help. I think we should take her back to the Republic for a complete workup. The doctors there can look her over. Maybe we can contact the EMH about her condition before we start the treatments.”

Chakotay nodded. “As much as I want to work quickly, I think you’re right. But, she wants desperately to be herself again. Do you think she’ll trust us enough to wait?”

“Untraah trusts us, and she trusts him. He can come with us, if he wants. B’Elanna’s had some good luck lately contacting the Federation. Maybe we can even have the doctor’s program sent to us.”

“I’m not so sure about that, Tom. Imagine what the pirates would do with his program if they could get their hands on it.”

“Yeah. His program could be damaged in the transmission, too.”

“I think it’s a good idea for the doctors in the Republic to look at her before we decide what to do. They’ve had a lot of experience dealing with humans since the Maquis arrived.”

“And, it wouldn’t hurt to have them talk to the doc, either.”

“Tomorrow, we’ll discuss all this with Untraah and Kathryn. Ultimately, it’s her decision.”

“Okay. I’ll check our orbit and take the first watch, Chakotay. You get some rest.”

“Thanks, Tom.” Chakotay was deep in thought as he walked to the sleep alcove and prepared for bed. It had been an eventful day. He was greatly relieved to see that Kathryn was alive and well, but he worried about whether or not she could fully recover her memory. Nearly a year had passed since her injury, yet she remembered only fragments of her previous life, and he felt certain that the longer her condition went untreated, the harder it would be to find a cure.

He found himself unable to stop thinking about her. He stared at the ceiling of the alcove, going over her every movement and comment during their hours together. He remembered the feel of her body next to his when she’d walked up behind him and subdued him in her quarters, the warmth of her small hand in his as he healed her injury, the electricity he’d felt when she’d almost kissed him, the affection in her eyes as he left. The woman he’d met today looked and sounded like Kathryn, yet she was completely different.

This woman was truly Kathryn Janeway and not the captain, or the admiral, or even a Starfleet officer. She reminded him of the woman he’d known on Quarra. She’d been stripped of every layer that she had taken on in her career, leaving behind the flawed, sincere, brilliant human being that he’d always longed to see. And, much to his delight, the attraction between them had survived her transformation. He could see in her eyes that she was curious about her reaction to him, a reaction that they’d both learned to repress and even deny during their days on Voyager.

But he also knew that she was beginning to realize how much of herself she had lost. He had seen the look of panic in her eyes as he and Tom had talked about Voyager and Earth and the Federation, a look of alarm and dismay. How would she react if she were unable to restore her memory and reclaim her Starfleet career?

Sighing with resignation, he told himself that they would deal with those complications when and if they happened. He closed his eyes and went through his meditation drill, slowly relaxing into sleep.

“Are you sure you won’t come with us?” Kathryn looked particularly unsure of herself as she walked Untraah to the transport site. They had decided that he should return to his family and let Kathryn’s former crew pursue her treatment, but now that the time had come for him to leave, she was feeling a little unsure of herself.
“If I had any reservations about the Maquis, Janeway, I would not think of leaving you. But, you can trust them implicitly. They will take good care of you.”

They stopped outside the station, and tears formed in Kathryn’s eyes. “I owe my life to you, Untraah. I can never repay you for all you’ve done.”

He gave her a hug and then looked her squarely in the eye. “The Maquis saved my life first, Janeway, and with you I simply returned the favor. When you have the chance in the future to help someone else, do it and think of me.”

“You’re such a good person.”

“As are you, Janeway.” He looked past her and smiled. “I told you these Maquis would look out for you. Here is Chakotay coming to say goodbye and to reassure you of your security. He’s a good leader. You can trust him most of all.”

She turned and caught her breath at the sight of the tall man walking toward her. Tall and dark, with his tantalizing dimples and mysterious tattoo, he seemed as beautiful to her physically as he did personally. Each time she saw him she wondered about her reaction to him, about their past relationship. “I already trust him, Untraah.”

Untraah nodded. “There is a saying among my people that a ship’s crew reflects its leader. Chakotay is an honorable man. He tries always to do the right thing. Turn to him, Janeway, as you would to me for guidance, for assistance, for support.”

Chakotay arrived, giving Kathryn a dimpled smile. “I thought you might like some company once Untraah leaves.”

“I appreciate that,” she replied, surprised at the relief she felt to see him. “I’m finding that change is difficult to handle.”

Untraah shook Chakotay’s hand and gave Kathryn a last hug. “I’ll be in contact, Janeway, now that I know where you and the Maquis live. I hope to hear good news about you.”

She hugged him tightly, suddenly afraid to have this man who had been her savior leave her with these strangers. “I’m afraid, Untraah.”

“Don’t be,” he whispered. “No matter what happens, you can count on these Maquis to do the right thing.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” He took her by the shoulders and held her at arm’s length. “You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met, Janeway. I know you’ll survive and learn to be happy.”

She nodded, tears threatening. “Tell your wife and family that l’ll miss them. And thank you again for all that you’ve done for me.”

“It was my pleasure to help you. I won’t say goodbye, because I plan to see you again.”

“Take care until then.”

Untraah walked up the stairs to the station, pausing at the door to wave goodbye before he disappeared into the building. Chakotay watched Kathryn out of the corner of his eye, trying to gauge her reaction to Untraah’s departure. He had watched the two embrace for a long time and converse quietly in a way that made him worry about her mental state. At long last, she turned to him with a sigh. “Can we beam out from here?”

“Certainly.” He tapped his commbadge. “Tom, we’re ready to beam up.”

A few hours later, after the shuttle had left orbit and begun the trip back to the Republic, Chakotay found himself wishing for better accommodations or at least a modicum of privacy in the small ship. He and Tom sat stoically at the helm listening to Kathryn as she paced in the aft section or huddled against the back wall in a vain attempt to hide her distress. He tried to imagine how she felt, trusting her safety and well-being to people whom she regarded as complete strangers.

Tom leaned toward him. “What’s she upset about?”

“I don’t think it’s anything in particular, Tom. I think it’s just the whole situation—she feels helpless and vulnerable. And who wouldn’t? She remembers very little about her past life, and she feels like she’s trusting strangers. I’m amazed that she’s doing as well as she is.”

“Strangers? Us? You’ve got to be kidding.” He glanced over his shoulder at the familiar figure in the back of the ship. “How can we be strangers when she’s the same person I remember her as being?”

“She has only fragmented memories of us, or Voyager, or Starfleet. All she knows is what she sees, what we tell her, and what Untraah has told her. She needs time to learn to learn that she can trust us. You’ll see.” He stiffened when he realized that she’d finally joined them on the flight deck, kneeling between the seats. He wondered if she’d overheard them.

“Gentlemen,” she said, sounding so much like their former captain that the two men nearly came to attention. “I know you’re concerned about my emotional well-being, but I assure you I’m fine. It’s just that with my damaged memory, I find change unsettling, and I’m going to miss the security Untraah and his family gave me.” She paused, narrowing her eyes slightly as she looked into the distance. “And I’m afraid I’ll never remember enough about my past to be of help to you on the colony.”

“You remember enough from your scientific and technical background to be a help anywhere, Kathryn,” Tom said, wanting to comfort her. “And as for needing the security of a family, you’re already a part of ours. We won’t let you down.”

“I am very thankful for that, Tom.” She put her hands on each man’s shoulder as she stood up and straightened her shoulders with typical Janeway resolve. “Now, isn’t there something constructive I can be doing around here?”

To be continued . . .