Broken Hearts

by mizvoy

Chapter 8

March 17, 2379

Indiana

Chakotay tried for three days to reach Kathryn Janeway through subspace. Her office in San Francisco referred him to her sister’s in Chicago, her brother-in-law in Chicago said she had left for Indiana, and her mother claimed she was in Paris for a series of meetings. He was already on the first leg of his trip to Earth before he finally caught up with her in a temporary office in Paris, and he wasn’t surprised that she was still at work, even though it was well after midnight. The video revealed behind her the clutter of a busy office stacked with PADDs and littered with coffee cups, and her brisk businesslike attitude, while familiar, caught him off-guard.

“This is Admiral Janeway,” she said, barely glancing at the screen. Then her eyes widened and she didn’t even try to mask her surprise. “Chakotay! Where are you?”

“On my way to Starbase 147. Rex volunteered to shut down the dig so I could come back early, and I was able to get on the direct shuttle. I should beam into San Francisco on the fifteenth.”

“The fifteenth? You mean Thursday? I thought you were arriving next week!” Her voice rose in undisguised dismay. “Chakotay, I’m completely swamped here through Friday night, and then I have to go straight to Mom’s house in Indiana for the weekend.”

He felt his heart lurch when he realized that she wouldn’t be meeting him, but tried to put up a good front to hide his disappointment. “Well, that’s okay. I understand that you already have plans.”

“I overloaded my schedule this week so I could have a few days off when you arrived next week, but that means that I’m working ungodly hours now. I’m being briefed for my new assignment, meeting my contacts . . . well, you know how it is.” She frowned at him and brought her hand up to rub her temple. “Damn. I’m sorry I won’t be there Thursday night.”

“Really, Kathryn, it’s okay. Maybe you can come over Saturday or Sunday?”

She grinned. “I have a better idea. Why don’t you come to Mom’s house Saturday morning? I told you I have a surprise waiting for you, and I’d appreciate the company.”

“Okay, that will work. What time should I arrive?”

“I’m not getting there until late Friday night, and I know, after this week, I’m going to need a good night’s sleep. Let’s make it about noon, okay?”

“Noon Saturday, then.”

“I’m looking forward to it. Safe travels, Chakotay.” Behind her, he could see an aide trying to catch her attention. She glanced over her shoulder and said to him, “I’ll be right there, Lieutenant.” She looked back at the screen with a frustrated grimace. “I have to go. See you soon.”

“See you Saturday,” he said as her face was replaced with the familiar blue Federation emblem. He sat there in his tiny compartment and struggled to keep from feeling sorry for himself. It wasn’t Kathryn’s fault that he had rearranged his schedule so that he arrived while she was out of town, and he shouldn’t fault her for not being able to rearrange her plans on such short notice. He told himself to accept her explanation and move on. After all, she’d agreed to see him at the first opportunity.

Chakotay’s apartment was cold, empty, and dusty when he arrived in San Francisco after dark on Thursday evening. Not even Kathryn’s welcome home message improved his mood or the foreboding that their relationship had changed forever. In spite of his best efforts to stay upbeat, he felt more depressed and lonely than he had in years and wished he’d contacted Tom and B’Elanna or anyone from Voyager to meet him and welcome him home. After a long, hot shower, he replicated some food and sat down to watch the news reports before going to bed. He’d finished his meal and was about to turn in when whose face should appear but Kathryn Janeway’s.

He sat up and reran the news item at slow speed, carefully watching for Kathryn’s brief appearance as the camera scanned the crowd. There had been a diplomatic function in Paris earlier that evening, and she had been in attendance, accompanied by a man whom Chakotay recognized as Admiral Steve Lefebvre, assigned for years to the Romulan desk at Starfleet. Lefebvre was also known to be one of the most eligible bachelors in the Federation, a handsome, charming rake who was a legend in his own mind, if Chakotay guessed right.

Kathryn had been unable to welcome him home because she had a date with Steve Lefebvre. He turned off the screen and sat in the darkness of the apartment feeling sorry for himself.

Saturday morning, Chakotay beamed into the transporter station in Bloomington, Indiana, and began the short walk toward the Janeway homestead, his mind filled with memories of his last visit there three months earlier. He had spent that last day with Kathryn and her mother, and Kathryn had accompanied him to this same transporter station for a sorrowful goodbye. He’d worried that his absence was coming at a crucial time in her recovery, but her counselor thought she needed some time alone. Three months didn’t seem like a very long time, and yet it was their first significant period of separation in eight years.

Her counselor had been instrumental in her mourning process, of course, but Kathryn had also leaned heavily on Chakotay, especially during the crucial months of November and December. While he had been thrilled to help her, he feared that her dependency might become yet another barrier between them. And so he’d taken the assignment, with the counselor’s blessing, and he’d hoped that their separation might help them decide whether or not they could ever be together.

He studied the austere landscape of late winter in Indiana as he walked. The trees were bare and the countryside was a study in browns and drab green, but at least the snow and ice of December was gone. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he started down the familiar path toward the Janeway household. When she had first invited him, he imagined a weekend alone with her. After seeing her on the news Thursday night, he knew he had been naïve.

“A fool’s born every minute,” he muttered as he walked up the steps and paused at the front door. No one answered when he rang the bell, and so he trudged around to the side of the house to see if she might be outdoors. He stood at the picket fence and gazed at the small tool shed at the foot of the yard, conscious of the sounds of . . . barking? “Kathryn? Are you out here?”

Instead of a human response, he was greeted by a litter of small puppies that raced from the shed at full tilt and became a squirming mass of black bodies and wagging tails yapping for his attention as they jumped against the fence. Behind them, Gretchen’s black Labrador retriever, Midnight, sauntered out of the shed and, with a look of great weariness, ambled toward him, as well.

“Midnight,” Chakotay said, giving the familiar dog a scratch under her chin, “your puppies are beautiful! But so many! How did you ever feed them?”

“They took turns.” Kathryn walked from the shed, and he felt his heart lurch in his chest when he saw the huge smile on her face. “Surprise!”

“The puppies are the surprise?” he asked, relief in his voice. Her smile widened, and he remembered just how compelling her loveliness was, especially when she was dressed casually and wore her long hair down around her face. For a moment, he was so taken with her that he couldn’t speak, but then he said, without thinking, “Kathryn, you’re beautiful.”

“I’m glad you think so,” she answered, her eyes sparkling. “I was going to say the same thing about you.” She plowed through the mass of wriggling puppies until she stood right in front of him, and then, without a moment’s hesitation, she put her arms around his waist and laid her head on his shoulder. “Welcome home, Chakotay. I’ve missed you so much.”

He held her as close as he could with the fence between them. “I missed you, too.”

They stood there for nearly a minute before several puppies snagged Kathryn’s coat with their teeth and forced her to pull away. “These little brutes want their share of your attention,” she laughed as she scooped a black bundle into her arms and held him up for Chakotay’s inspection.

“They’re adorable.” He took the pup from her and carried it to the gate where Kathryn struggled to let him into the yard without letting the other puppies out. “You didn’t tell me Midnight had a litter. How many?”

“Twelve puppies. Nine females and three males. Mom bred her in December as a surprise, but she had no idea how much work the pups would be at her age. I’ve spent every free moment here trying to help her.”

“So that’s why you were here so much of the time.”

“That’s why. They’re just over four weeks old.” She gave the pup he held an affectionate pat. “I’m hoping you’ll help me pick out which puppy to keep.”

He sat down on the back step and let rest of the chubby pups crawl all over him as Midnight watched with feigned indifference. “You’re the dog expert, Kathryn, not me.”

“I’d love to keep them all,” she chuckled as she sat down beside him and picked up another puppy for a closer examination. How she could tell them apart was a mystery to him, but Kathryn chattered about the strengths and weaknesses of each pup, and he marveled at how easily they had slipped into the comfortable and precious friendship of their recent past. She was relaxed and animated as she talked, and he soon learned that she had even been present at the puppies’ whelping. “It took her five long hours to have these pups,” she said with a sigh. “Poor Midnight.”

“Kathryn, are you going to be able to let eleven of your babies go?”

She gave him a wink. “Technically, I’m not letting them go. Phoebe’s boys are getting one. And the other ten are going to the winners of a lottery among Voyager’s crew.”

“So they’ll be in the family, at least.”

“And God help them if they don’t treat my babies well,” she replied with a wink. “I apologize for not meeting you Thursday night.”

He swallowed as an irrational wave a jealousy swept over him. “I saw the news report of the reception and picked you out of the crowd.”

“So you saw I was with that lothario, Lefebvre,” she groaned.

“Lothario?”

“Phoebe would say that he considers himself ‘God’s gift to women.’ But not this woman.” She rolled her eyes. “Although the assignment hasn’t been announced yet, I’m taking over the Romulan desk from him in a couple of weeks. I wish I could say that working with him has been a pleasure. The rumor that he has a woman in every star system is not exaggerated. I think he even has one on every continent.”

“So it wasn’t a date?” he asked, embarrassed of the emotional twinge in his voice.

“No, Chakotay, it wasn’t a date.” She regarded him closely, a small smile on her face. “Were you jealous?”

“I just missed you, that’s all.”

“Good.” She gave his arm an affectionate squeeze, and then stood up and shooed the puppies back toward their mother. “Let’s go inside where it’s warmer.”

The previous summer, the back porch’s windows had been screened to let in the warm summer breezes and keep out the mosquitoes; now the screens had been replaced with insulated windows that kept the room warm and cozy. They relaxed on the sofa and enjoyed the view of the puppies as they romped in the yard.

“Mom left early this morning to watch the boys while Phoebe and John move into a larger house in Chicago. I’m here puppy-sitting for the weekend.”

“Tough duty for Grandma,” he joked, “watching those boys.”

“You have no idea. What trouble one of them doesn’t think of the other does.”

After a few minutes, Kathryn brought out a tray that held a lunch her mother had left for them, and they ate in a leisurely manner while he gave her added details about the dig on Terazed. They continued to talk as they cleaned up the dishes and then returned to the porch to watch the dreary afternoon end as they shared coffee and pecan pie. Midnight strolled through the yard trailing her puppies behind her until they disappeared into the shed for a “snack.”

“She’s a good mother,” Kathryn said. “Very patient with their constant harassment.” She sighed and leaned against him. Chakotay could tell from the tone of her voice that they were about to delve into sensitive topics. “You said once that you still have bad dreams about Dorvan. What do you do when the nightmares come?”

“I usually get out of bed and get some exercise. It helps me get rid of my frustrations and feelings of guilt.”

“You don’t expect me to take up boxing, I hope,” she grinned, thinking of his penchant for sparring in Voyager’s holodeck gym whenever he was troubled.

He gave her a sad look, for she was admitting to having nightmares, too. “No, that’s not your style. But, you could play velocity, or, when you bring your puppy to San Francisco, take a good long walk along the Embarcadero.” They sat quietly awhile, watching two fat pups tumble into the yard to play tug of war with a piece of rope. He took her hand, lacing her fingers through his own. “You’re still having bad dreams? You seem so much better, Kathryn, so much more at ease with yourself.”

“I am much better. There are still times when I am nearly overwhelmed by guilt, but it helps to visit their graves and . . . well, I talk to them about it. I hope you don’t think I’m crazy.”

“Not at all. Talking like that is a very healthy way to work through your problems.” He gave her a reassuring smile. “Confession is good for the soul, you know.”

“So they say.” She grew quiet, disengaged her hand to pick up her coffee cup. She seemed troubled at first, but after a few moments her expression softened and she turned to him with a shy smile. “I’ve been able to look past the accident these last few months, and it’s occurred to me that I’d feel better if I made a confession to you, as well.”

“A confession about what?”

“About the way I treated you on Voyager.”

He frowned. “I can’t think of anything you could possibly feel guilty about.”

“Well, I can,” she said, putting down the mug and getting up to pace. “I told you that I took advantage of Mark. He was an old family friend, and he was willing to take a distant second place to my career without a word of complaint. When I’d leave on a mission, I habitually left my unfinished business up to him, and he always came through. When Voyager’s mission to the Badlands came up, he took my dog, Molly, to his apartment because she was pregnant and needed special care. When I didn’t come back, he raised the puppies, found them good homes, and kept Molly until she died.”

“He loved you.”

“Yes, he did. And I thought I loved him back, but I was fooling myself, Chakotay. How many ‘true loves’ stay engaged for years without even discussing a wedding date? How many are together for twelve years and still have separate apartments!”

“He kept you from getting involved with anyone again.”

She nodded. “The thought of losing anyone else I loved terrified me.”

“That’s a perfectly understandable reaction to what you’d been through.”

“And sheer cowardice. I didn’t believe that I deserved to love and be loved that way again. I’d let myself feel only so much, but then pull away. Over the years I became an expert at it. I can see that now.”

“I hope your counselor has helped you realize that you deserve to be loved, Kathryn.”

“She’s working on it. But, that’s not what I want to confess to you. In some ways I used you the same way I did Mark. You were my first officer and forced to take second place to my job and the demands of the crew. I discouraged potential alien suitors by letting them believe that we were a couple, and I used your friendship to keep me from being so lonely.”

He shrugged. “I knew that. I never had a problem with it.”

She sat down and took his hand. “But I was completely dishonest with you. Instead of talking to you about how I felt, I just turned a blind eye and made you believe that friendship was our only option.”

“Friendship was our only option, Kathryn, and protocol was an important reminder of that. You couldn’t afford to become involved with anyone from the crew because of our unique situation. Besides, you felt guilty enough about stranding the ship out there in the first place. You would have felt even worse if you were happy while the rest of the crew longed for home.”

She shook her head. “While I can’t dispute a word you’ve said, that’s not what I’m talking about.” She took a deep breath, as he’d heard her do dozens of times when taking a calculated risk, and then she looked him in the eye with her usual courage. “The truth is that I loved you too much.”

Chakotay stared at her, not sure he’d heard correctly. “You what?”

“I’ve thought about telling you this indirectly, because, after all this time, I know that you no longer feel the way you did about me on New Earth. But, then I realized that it was time to be honest with you, even if I was setting myself up for a painful rejection.”

He was so stunned that her words made no sense to him. All he heard were the words she’d spoken a few moments earlier echoing in his brain. “You loved me . . . too much.”

“I was happier when I was with you than I’d been with anyone else in years, but, you see, you were the one person I didn’t deserve to love. You were the person I thought I had to give up to atone for Dad and Justin’s deaths and for the seven years of exile I’d forced upon Voyager’s crew. Not having you was my punishment, my penance. While I can’t undo the past, Chakotay, I can be honest with you. I meant only to punish myself, yet I hurt you in the process. I’m sorry for that, and I ask you to forgive me.”

He was still confused. “You want me to forgive you because you loved me too much?”

“I want you to forgive me for being dishonest about my feelings and hurting you in the process.”

“When were you dishonest?”

“There is such a thing as a sin of omission. I never told you how I felt.”

“There was never an appropriate time for that, Kathryn. You were never malicious or calculating or manipulative–or at least not without good cause.” He smiled and took her hand again. “There’s nothing to forgive, that I can see.”

Her eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry if you’ve felt conflicted without reason.”

“I admit that your behavior confused me in the Delta Quadrant. But once I was home,” he held her hand in both of his, “once I discovered the secrets of your past, the experiences that influenced your life, I came to admire and respect you more than ever. After your accident on Tau Ceti, it’s a miracle you were able to return to active duty, much less work your way up the ranks to captain. And there’s no doubt that you’re the best captain I’ve ever served with, Kathryn, and the best friend I’ve ever had.”

“I’m glad to know that.” Nervous, she pulled her hand away and focused her attention on piling up the empty coffee mugs and pie plates onto the tray. “You’re my best friend, too.”

Chakotay volunteered to carry the heavy tray into the house, pausing to let her open the door into the kitchen. “You know, our text messages these last few months have helped me to know you better.”

“You feel that way, too?” she asked as she held the kitchen door open for him.

“I found myself falling for you all over again. The only other time I can remember us being so open and honest with each other is when we were stranded on New Earth.” He stepped into the kitchen and placed the tray by the sink. “Maybe, for once, we’ll been able to put aside the habits we formed as Voyager’s command team and . . . Kathryn?” He looked for her, but she had stayed on the porch. Leaving the tray untouched, he returned to the porch where she was sitting on the sofa, staring into the distance. “What’s wrong?”

She was quiet a long time before she finally spoke. “When Admiral Janeway arrived on Voyager, I couldn’t imagine anything that would make me break the temporal prime directive and change the past.” She shifted to face him, tears in her eyes. “But I know now that I would do anything to keep from losing you.”

“Losing me?” He sat down beside her, gently turning her to face him. “I’m right here, Kathryn.”

“We were more like a brother and sister during the last few years on Voyager. And you moved on to . . . .” She looked away, unable to say Seven of Nine’s name. “You moved on.”

“What are you talking about? Are you referring to Seven?” When she nodded, he said, “Kathryn, Seven and I broke up almost a year ago. And I haven’t seen anyone since.”

She sniffled and looked up at him. “You haven’t?”

“The more I’ve learned about all you’ve been through and overcome in your life–the more I’ve admired you. My feelings haven’t changed, Kathryn.”

“Really?”

He lifted her face so that he could smile into her eyes. “I love you. I always have.”

She sobbed and leaned forward, resting her forehead on his shoulder. “Oh, Chakotay, I love you, too.”

For a long while he held her as she cried, and he soothed her with soft words and gentle caresses. Then, when she finally pulled away, he took a handkerchief from his pocket and watched her dry her eyes and blow her nose, a grin on his face. “Was that so hard to admit?” he teased her.

She gave him a sad, crooked smile. “You wouldn’t think so, but it was.”

He laughed and started to reply when they were interrupted by a puppy that had managed to climb the back steps, solved the mystery of the porch’s doggie door, and now jumped triumphantly against their legs, a very vocal female pup who had decided she needed some human affection.

“Well, who is this?”

Kathryn shook her head in mock disapproval. “That’s the lover–I call her Annabelle. She never seems to tire of attention.” Kathryn picked up the puppy and handed her to him. “I’ve never thought to ask you whether you like dogs.”

“I love dogs, especially this one,” he replied as the tiny bundle put her front paws on his chest and tried to wash his face with her wet pink tongue.

Kathryn chuckled as she retrieved the pup and sent her back out the door, pausing to secure it with a sliding panel. “So what do you think? Is Annabelle the keeper?”

Chakotay, who had followed her to the door, took her into his arms again. “I think Annabelle’s perfect, on one condition.”

“What would that be?” she asked as she snuggled into his chest.

“I get to help housebreak her.”

“I think it’s the best idea I’ve heard in years.” Kathryn looked up at him, and he leaned down to give her a gentle kiss. She sighed as the kiss ended, and for a few moments they stood quietly holding each other, enjoying the closeness they both needed. “I can’t make any promises, Chakotay. I’m fighting nearly twenty years of habit and conditioning, and the counselors tell me that I might never be the person I was before.”

“Who would want to be twenty-two again, Kathryn?” he asked her in all seriousness. “Surviving the accident the way you did and experiencing your relationships with Justin and Mark have helped make you the person you are today. No one can live forty years without carrying the burdens of pain and loss in their lives–I think it’s wrong to try.” He smiled at her sadly. “Besides, I have just as many emotional scars as you do.”

“I can’t promise that I’ll ever be able to . . . .” She looked away, and then started over. “I can’t make any promises that the past won’t continue to haunt me, and I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than use anyone else the way I did Mark.”

“Let’s just take this one day at a time.”

“All right.” She nodded and settled against him gratefully. “You mean the world to me, Chakotay. I can’t imagine how sad my life would be without your support and friendship.”

They returned to the sofa and their conversation drifted to other issues–her impending return to work, his scheduled trips off-planet, their determination to keep the lines of communication open and to be together whenever possible. He enjoyed being close to her and struggled to keep from being too optimistic about the direction the conversation had taken. If he knew anything about Kathryn, it was that she skirted commitment with the skill of an escape artist.

They grew silent, and as the sun set, the chill of the evening made them seek each other’s warmth. The mood shifted as she turned to him and gave him a gentle kiss, studying his face with a tender look that made it nearly impossible for him to breathe. He pulled her onto his lap and shivered as she buried her face in his neck.

“Chakotay, I wish I could offer you a heart that had been miraculously restored to mint condition, but I don’t think that can happen. My heart’s been broken, and even if your tender loving care has helped put it back together, the scars will always remain.”

“Give me your heart?” His voice was thick with emotion and his own heart seemed to be in his throat. He wondered what it was about her words and the tone of her voice that struck him as being so curious. And then he knew–vulnerability and openness and apprehension. All the barriers that had separated them were down, at last, and this was truly Kathryn, the gentle and hesitant woman who had been buried beneath protocol, habit, and denial for too many years. He said, “Do you mean that?”

“If you’ll have it,” she whispered, a clear tone of hesitation in her voice. “I’d understand if you decided I wasn’t worth the trouble.”

“Kathryn,” he said, astonished that she would question his devotion after all these years, “I love you the way you are, scars and all. You couldn’t do anything to make me love you more.” He paused, remembering Gretchen describing her daughter’s overwhelming need to succeed. He remembered the story of a small Kathryn trying to gain her father’s attention, a young woman trying to please Justin, a heartrending silver-haired Kathryn making things better by altering her past. He couldn’t let her feel that she had anything to prove to him. “Kathryn, you don’t earn the right to be loved.”

“I don’t?”

He looked down at her, gently smoothing a stray lock of hair from her face. “Love is given, not earned.”

Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “Given, not earned?”

“True love is unconditional. You promise to do your best in our relationship and to love me as much as you can, and I promise the same. You forgive me for my shortcomings, and I forgive you for yours.” He saw the look of hesitation on her face and smiled. “Can you love me that way?”

“I can try, but . . . it’s different.”

“That’s okay. You’ll come to understand what I mean with time.”

“And you’ll love me the same way? Broken heart and all?”

“I will, Kathryn. I do. My heart has been broken, too, and is just as scarred as yours. In so many ways, we’re made for each other. It’s no wonder that I love you.”

“Oh, I love you, too.” She looked up and smiled at him, tears or relief and joy spilling down her cheeks, and Chakotay let himself believe that it was true.

“Please don’t cry,” he begged her as he kissed the tears away.

“I’ll do my best to love you for the rest of my life,” she promised.

“That’s all I want, Kathryn. That’s all I’ve ever dreamed of.”

They enjoyed the closeness of their embrace for awhile, exchanging kisses and relishing the passion that was gradually building between them after so many years of denial. At last, she kissed him deeply and the need for rational thought seemed to disappear. Without a word, she stood up and took his hand, leading him through the empty house, up the stairs, and into her bedroom.

The next hours were burned into his memory as a dream come true–Kathryn free at last to love him, to act upon her feelings, and to be the passionate woman he’d always known was imprisoned behind the captain’s façade. The love in her eyes and in her quiet words as they embraced filled him with unspeakable joy. They gloried in their newfound intimacy until finally, sated and spent, they drifted into a blissful sleep.

Much later, Chakotay awoke and held Kathryn in his arms as he listened to her breathing and to the comforting, quiet sounds of the night–the steady ticking of the grandfather clock, the hum of the furnace, the wind gusting against the house. He at last had time to think. In spite of all his efforts, he realized that he would probably never fully understand this woman who had intrigued him from the first moment he’d met her.

Yet, learning of the tragedies of her life made him love her with an even greater intensity, one that came from shared pain and struggle, from similar experiences in overwhelming personal disaster and suffocating guilt. Both of them had been through hell and back, and they’d come through with their heads held high, triumphant, defiant, and determined to carry on. They had been damaged by life, yes, but for them, it was not enough to be simply be alive. They were undaunted, optimistic, and confident about the future. And they were stronger together.

He looked down at her tangled auburn hair and no longer doubted what he had always suspected to be true–that the two of them belonged together. And even if their broken hearts might prevent the “happily ever after” of a fairly tale, he was satisfied with the reality of their relationship, and, in fact, he preferred it. He was sure they would be good for each other no matter what the future held.

The clock struck twelve, and Kathryn sighed and looked up at him, surprised to find him awake and smiling at her. She burrowed her face into his chest, throwing an arm around him as if she thought he might leave. “Stay here with me this weekend?” she mumbled.

“I thought you’d never ask,” he teased. “There’s nowhere else in the universe I’d rather be than right here with you.”

“Good.” She chuckled and shifted to put her head on her hand. “Do you remember that legend you made up on New Earth? The one about the warriors?”

He felt a blush crawling up his neck. “It’s a little embarrassing to think about that story, Kathryn. I wasn’t sure how you’d react if I pledged my life to you right out loud.”

She cupped his face in her hand. “I was so touched by your words, Chakotay, and I thought of them so often when we returned to Voyager, especially in times of trouble.” She shifted so she could kiss him, smiling down at him as her eyes grew thoughtful with the memory. “You said I brought you peace.”

“That hasn’t changed. I still feel at peace when I’m with you.”

“You’ve brought me peace, too, because you’ve helped me come to terms with the tragedies in my life.” She laid her head on his chest with a sigh. “Our relationship has been special from the first day we met, Chakotay. I am just so thankful that you didn’t give up on me.”

“I didn’t know how to stop loving you.”

She yawned, her voice heavy with sleep. “All things considered, the Caretaker did me a favor, stranding us out there together.”

“I feel the same way,” he chuckled. “I was hooked from day one.”

“Well, I fought my attraction to you for years. Too many years.”

Chakotay thought back to her promotion party the previous summer, when Admiral Paris had congratulated him for escaping Kathryn’s charms. It had been the first of several conversations that had helped him discover the mystery of her past, but he’d known instinctively that Paris was wrong, that he hadn’t escaped Kathryn as much as she had steered clear of him, much to his chagrin. “You know, Kathryn, I think I’m a lucky man for not escaping from you.”

“Escaping me?” She smiled against his chest. “It took eight years, mister, but I finally have you in custody.”

“And then some.” He cradled her closer. “I’m just hoping for a life sentence.”

“Maybe we can work out a plea bargain later.”

She drifted off to sleep as he held her, but he was too buoyant with joy to relax, too thrilled to be holding her in his arms. Through her bedroom window, he could see the stars of the Milky Way, and he wondered how many times she had stood in Voyager’s ready room staring wistfully toward the Alpha Quadrant. How many times had he watched her, wondering what it was from her past that caused the emotional reticence that seemed so out of place with her naturally outgoing personality?

Now, looking back toward the Delta Quadrant from her childhood home, he finally understood that he had been perplexed by two separate secrets that she had kept from him. There had been the accident and all the guilt she carried from it, but there had also been a second, more personal and potentially volatile secret–she’d loved him too much. When she’d admitted this to him earlier in the day, his heart had almost burst with happiness. At last, he had the final missing piece in his understanding of her perplexing behavior.

Reassured and blissful, he felt himself relaxing against her warmth, gratified to hold her close at long last, and, as if sensing his need for reassurance, Kathryn sighed and gave him a kiss on the neck, settling against him with a sigh of satisfaction. He smiled and closed his eyes at last, and as he slowly fell asleep, he was struck with an encouraging thought. Maybe, he dreamed, as the shared warmth of their love enveloped him, maybe “happily ever after” could come true after all.

The end.