Thicker than Water

by mizvoy

“The ties of family run deeper than any other kind of relationship. We’ll often do things for members of our family we’d never dream of doing for anyone else.” Kathryn Janeway “Survival Instinct”

(Note: This scene occurs after Janeway has agreed to carry the baby—before the last scene of “Ties That Bind”)

“Let me get this straight.” Sekaya eyed her long-lost brother with skepticism. “The woman who is carrying your baby is not the woman that you’re currently dating.”

“That’s right,” Chakotay replied. “And, the other woman isn’t actually carrying the baby right now.”

“Not carrying it right now?” His sister shook her head. “Where is the baby, then?”

“It’s in stasis, but Kathryn has agreed to carry it as soon as she has completed the hormonal preparation that’s required to implant the baby in her womb.”

“Why can’t Annika carry it?”

“Because it’s Kathryn’s baby, for one thing, and also because Kathryn and I share a rare virus that makes it impossible for anyone but her to carry it.”

“So, you’re sure you’re the father.”

“Absolutely.” He laughed at her insinuation. “In this day and age, Sekaya, DNA testing makes paternity more than just a rumor.”

“And the baby is in stasis.”

“For now, yes. The doctor put it in stasis because the pregnancy started under unusual circumstances.”

“I think this is too much to comprehend. Are you saying that it wasn’t conceived in the usual way?”

“No, that’s not what I mean.” He sighed. “Remember I told you about the people who kidnapped us, erased our memories, and employed us for six months on their planet?”

“Oh, yes, I do remember that.”

“We didn’t know each other there. Kathryn and I became involved and conceived the baby while we were on the planet. When we returned to the ship and had our memories restored, Kathryn refused to have the baby implanted as long as we were in the Delta Quadrant. As captain, she didn’t think she could manage a pregnancy.”

“So you and Kathryn we never involved on the ship?”

“No.”

“Strange.” Sekaya rubbed her temples. “How did you feel when Kathryn refused to resume the pregnancy?”

“I felt angry.” Chakotay blushed. “I’m afraid I didn’t handle it very well. I pressured her and became irate when she refused, even though I understood and even respected her reasons for doing so. I’m afraid that my attitude damaged our working relationship and nearly destroyed our friendship.”

“There were no alternatives? Because of the virus?”

“None. In fact, I turned to Annika for help in constructing some sort of artificial womb.”

“And that’s how you and Annika became involved with each other.”

“More or less.” He shrugged. “Any way, now that we’re home, Kathryn has agreed to carry the baby, so that process is finally underway.”

“Is Kathryn going to remain involved with the child as its mother?”

“Of course, she is. It’s her baby, too.”

“And Annika is okay with this?”

“She seems to be. She can’t have children, so she knows this is my best chance to be a father. And, anyway, she and Kathryn are very close, so I think she’s happy for both of us.”

“You think she is? Aren’t you sure?”

“She’s told me that she understands and accepts the situation, but once in awhile, I sense a strange reaction from her when I talk about the baby. Nothing I can put a finger on, just a feeling I have.”

“Maybe she’s insecure. After all, you and Kathryn will be closely tied to each other by sharing this child.”

“She knows that Kathryn and I have never been anything but friends, Sekaya.”

“You were more than friends when you conceived this child.”

“We have no memories of being together on Quarra.”

“And no one else from the ship remembers the two of you being together?”

“Not directly, although there are some records that we brought with us.” He grew thoughtful, remembering the huge database of pictures, videos, and personal logs that the EMH had released to the crew once the ship had returned to the Alpha Quadrant. “Also, Annika was not one of the crew who had her memory altered. She would have seen us together, I suppose.”

“I see. And then the child exists as a reminder to her of what she saw of your relationship with Kathryn.”

“I guess so. But Annika knows it wasn’t really the two of us she saw together there.”

“You remember our mother’s saying about seeing things, don’t you? ‘The heart sees the truth that the eyes ignore.'”

“I’d forgotten about that saying of hers.” He smiled sadly. Seeing his sister again had reminded him more than ever of what he’d lost at the hands of the Cardassians. “But there is no truth to ignore. Kathryn and I were never ‘really’ together.”

“I understand that, brother, and that’s not what I’m talking about.” She laughed at his confused look. “Tell me the truth now—how do you feel about this Kathryn Janeway?”

“She’s the best friend I’ve ever had, and I trust her more than anyone else I’ve ever meet. I think she’s one of the best . . . no, she’s the best Starfleet captain I’ve ever worked with.”

“That all sounds very nice, but I’m not sure you’re being honest with me or yourself.” She leaned toward him, pinning him in place with her glare. “You are in love with her, right?”

“I was in love with her, sure.” He blushed at the look of triumph on his sister’s face. “It’s a common cliché for the members of a crew to fall in love with the captain, Sekaya.”

“I’d think that the first officer might be the exception to the rule.”

“You might, but I’m not immune. She’s a beautiful woman, brilliant, highly principled, and she has a wicked sense of humor, a rapier wit, and an irreverent outlook on life.”

“Just your type.”

He sighed. “I suppose.”

“And you’re still in love with her, I’m guessing.”

“Not any more. Not after all the things I said to her about this baby. Not after all the things she said to me.” He shook his head. “No, I ruined my chances with Kathryn, and I have to make peace with that.”

“You’re saying that you have to make peace with yourself that she will never love you back?”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t have to admit it to me, Chakotay, but you have to open your eyes to the truth your heart knows and the truth that is interfering with your happiness with Annika.”

He scowled at her. “What truth is that, sister?”

“No woman can ‘love you back’ unless you are in love with her first.”

“That’s just an expression.”

“Perhaps. But I do know this: you are not a man who can love two women at once. It isn’t in your nature to divide your loyalties. You say that you’ve lost your chance with Kathryn, yet this child ties you to her for the rest of your lives. I’m afraid that you will lose Annika, too, and be left alone and broken-hearted.”

“At least I’ll always have you,” he replied, giving her a grin. “And you’ll always be ready to tell me how I have screwed up my life.”

“You’re just so good at it.” She laughed at him as he reached over to tickle her.

But, deep inside, he knew she was right. He would have to find a way to make this work.